Like little Children

I love the holidays and the time that I get to spend with my family.  I love going home to Arkansas, sitting around laughing and talking with them.  Every year, we always cook a LOT of food and I'm usually the first one finished because I eat in spurts and get full to fast.  I love my mom's cooking.  I am so grateful for her.  My favorite memories are with her in the kitchen and helping her make her sweet potatoes pies, a multitude of cakes, and lemon pies. I can't wait to see my nieces and nephews, especially the little ones.  We love to sit and watch them open their gifts and play with them.  It reminds us of the period in our lives when we were kids and did the same thing.  They are so excited with whatever the gifts are and they instantly began to play with them.  Grateful.  That's the word.  I've been thinking a lot about that and examining my life, my heart.  Am I grateful for my life and where God has me?  I go back and forth with that and with the new year coming I always reflect on what I did or didn't do and where I want to go in the new year and how I want to get there.  Even with all of the thinking and planning, I still can not figure out my life or move forward unless my Father says so.  I have been grumbling in my heart about not being where I want to be in my life.  You may wonder, what are you trying to do about it?  Sometimes, that mindset can frustrate you more because you think its your abilities that will move you out and you miss that it's not only about your abilities but about God's will.  I want to be in God's will, but I think for a period of time, I've been walking in Melika's will. I have been unwilling to let go of what I want, how I want it and when I want it.  It's like my fist have been clutched on this idea of what I think my life could be and anything other than that is not good.  This thought is foolish.  In reality, when I think like this(and I know I am not by myself in this), I am saying that I know better about my life than anyone (God) does.  Wow, the pride in that.  That is scary.  God is  the creator of us all and as His children, He knows what He has designed our lives to be.  We forget that we are His children and start living like adults(making our own decisions based on what we want to do with our lives without consulting our Father to see if it is what He wants to do with our lives and when things don't work out the way we hoped they would, we blame Him even though it was a decision we made without His guidance.)
As, children, and that is who we really are, our Father wants us to approach Him like children.  We are the clay and He is the potter molding us in who we were created to be.  Jesus says that in order to enter His Kingdom, we must be like little children.  Like my little niece and nephew on Christmas day, we have to be grateful for the gifts our Father give us no matter what the gifts are because everything He gives is out of love.  Also, like little children, we have to trust that our Father has the best in mind for us and will not harm us so we can trust our lives to Him.  This is the thought that I am walking in these days and hopefully this will help you if you are like me and like to know what's to come and handle everything on your own. We need to just chill out and rest in God.  He has us.  

A Serious Matter

When we look at society and say that it is a mess, we are saying that our individual lives are a mess.  I am saying this because we make up the society we are in.  If it were not for people, then there would be no society.  Therefore, if society is in a morally bad shape, that means we as individuals are in bad shape morally rather you want to accept this or not.  We all have a responsibility for the outcome of were this world is going. Until we take our individual responsibility, it will continue to get worse.

This all is coming to my mind because I live in the melting pot of society, New York City, and I am able to witness a lot of things.  The world, as we know it, is coming to an end.  We only have a little time left and we have to correct the wrongs we have done.  The wrongs, the sins we have committed. We are looking at the consequences of the problem(sin) when we see all of the wickedness in the world.  I hate to watch the news because it is constantly speaking about wars, rapes, abuses, murders, sexual immorality, homosexuality, impurities and the like.  I can't watch a TV show without some sexual innuendo being use or them pushing that being gay is "natural" and something that is normal.  Sin is sin.  Sex outside of marriage is sin.  Homosexuality is sin.  Cursing, lying, gossiping, slandering, murder, evil thoughts, over eating, drunkenness, pride, conceitedness or arrogance, all are sin.  This is so abundant in our society and many minds are blinded from this state.  These things and more are the problems in our world.  The solution for the problem is being in Jesus, following him, repenting of your sins and living for Him.  This begins to correct the problem.
 
We try to use social professions to correct them all, but actually we just put band aides on them without truly healing the wound.  If a person is not in Jesus, they will continue to be in sin rather a situation changes or not and it will continue to get worse in some form (inward or outward).
Punishments may be given out and you may even feel the consequence of your decisions, but the core of the problem will still be there if you don't repent of it.
Jesus says, "Repent or you will perish."  This society is perishing because of the lack of repentance of our individual hearts.

I write this because I love you and I hope that we will all change so that we can be home with the Father one day.  He is patiently waiting for us all, but His patience is going to run out one day, so, while you have the chance, please repent, confess your sins, and be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins so that you can receive the gift of the Holy Spirit which is a guarantee that you will have a place, in heaven, at home with our Father.

If you have any questions or comments about what I have written, please contact me.
Be blessed

Present moment

For the past couple of weeks I haven't been able to sleep much.  I've been anxious in my thoughts and excited at the same time.  It's a weird feeling.  My heart is constantly racing and I try to calm myself down but I can't.  My eyes are tired but my body is saying, "Let's go!"  I am so tired.  Even as I'm writing this, I am feeling the same way. I couldn't sleep last night either!.  Ok, you may be wondering what is on my mind.  Well, you know how you know something great is about to come, but you just don't know when.  It's like the feeling you got when you were a little kid right before Christmas and you knew you were going to get your favorite gift but you had to stay in bed or else Santa Claus was going to put ashes in your eyes? (Yes, that's what I was told.)  It's that same emotion.

Something new is coming in my career. I'm about to start my project with a couple of amazing producers who believe in what I'm about and just want to help me be the best. Only God could choose them and put this together and only God will make this great.  I've written some songs that are going to move so many hearts.  Ugh, I can't wait to hear the outcome.  I think this is like giving birth or something. (Not that I know what that feels like.)   Also, I'm pitching an after school program to two schools and I believe that the program will be in the schools in the next year.  God has placed in my life people who know how to do programs and they have been mentoring me in this process.  I have visions about where this organization is going to go and where my music is going to go and I just can't stop the excitement!

 I'm also interested in a guy, I think. I always have to say that because I don't want to admit that I am because I don't want to get hurt but I know that I am interested in him. (Crazy right?)  I don't even know what he feels or what he is thinking.  I don't think he knows I'm interested in him either.  I'm just trying to focus on the friendship. (Yeah, right! In my mind, I've already planned the wedding, know what type of dress I want, how my many kids I want and how they are going to look. Wow!)  I am going to slow my mind down, enjoy the PRESENT and not live in the future.  I have to learn how to live in the now.  Jesus says in Mathew 6: ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  
 I have to put this scripture into practice.  I need to have this embedded in my heart and mind at all times.  I know the things God has showed me are going to happen but I need to learn how to enjoy each moment.  I just pray that I'm able to sleep tonight.

The Aftermath

I've been full of emotion over the past days.  Tropical Storm Sandy has come and gone, but the results still remain.  I was not affected by it physically or materialistically, but I have been affected emotionally.  I feel guilty.  I feel guilty that I have electricity, food, and a home when millions of people are without.  I know that I shouldn't and that I have nothing to do with this, but I am fighting to fight this feeling.  Would I feel better if I had some issues happening to me?  I don't think so.  I am a complex person and I am really understanding that about myself.

I went to volunteer the other day with Red Cross in Long Island and I met this woman there who had no electricity and she was trying to keep herself together with the kids she had. She stood before me in tears and all I could do is hug her and whisper to her that this may feel like it's forever but it is not and for her to hold on.  When we finished talking a cop came and told her about a shelter she could go to.  That was an answered prayer.

I believe my Father has allowed these things to happen in hopes that hearts will turn to Him and not away from Him.  While watching TV yesterday, the news anchor said the IPhone 5, without electricity, is like a rock you can toss in the water.  He is right.  I believe that God wants us to be truly aware of who He is and who we are and that everything on this earth is temporary and will perish.  See how easy the houses were destroyed and the rampage the storm had in NJ and some parts of NY? God is powerful and He wants  us to be aware of His power and turn to Him.  He has been trying to get our attention in so many ways and this is one of them.  He wants us to turn from our wicked ways and turn to serve Him completely with everything.

Remember that there is no one good but God and all of us have sinned and turned away from Him.  We all need His forgiveness.  He is the only one who can.  He wants us to have a true relationship with Him and not be "religious".  Religiosity has been leading many to hell and that is not where our Father wants us to go.  He wants us to be with Him and to wake up from the slumber we have been in.  I pray that Tropical Storm Sandy is a wake up call for many of us.  I pray that, in the months to come, that many of us will draw closer to God and watch Him do great things in our lives and experience the hope, the love that comes from being in Him.

 Paul said it this way in Phil. 4:12-13:  ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

 I pray that we learn and apply this "secret" to every part of our lives.

Overcomer

If you don't know, I've been pursuing a singing career for a while now.  I moved to New York to sing, but it has been an intense journey.  It's taken time for me to look at my life as a journey and learn how to enjoy it.  While on this path, I've taught school for several years, was a book keeper for several years, and temp for some time, but never stopped focusing on the vision that has always been in my heart:  a music career.  The past 4 years have been some of my toughest.  I've been behind on my bills, almost homeless, had to get food stamps, and had to apply for unemployment over the summer.  But, in all of this, I still have hope.  Life tried to beat it out of me.  No, Satan tried to beat hope(faith) out of me.  I think that my enemy was trying to beat that out of me because he knows the impact my life is going to have on the lives of many people.  Yes, I'm speaking this into existence.

I've learned that I have to start speaking the truth, God's truth, over my life and stop being afraid of what people will think about me.  "Oh, she's prideful or full of herself."  No.  It's good to think that you are special and to know that you are created for a purpose.  It's good to understand that you are beautifully and wonderfully made and that you are loved deeper than what you can ever imagine.  I have struggled with low self esteem for to long now and trying to get gratification from people or my talents and I've come to realize that these things are temporary.  I have to get it from the one who created me.  I can't be shy of being a light or afraid anymore because of over shining other people.  When my life is blessed or when I'm doing great things, it encourages others and brings glory to my Father.  I am tired of being one of those Christians who stand on the side lines and scared to step out because of the mean old world and truly missing out on the purpose I was created for.  No!  My Father is bigger than all of this and my big brother, Jesus, has authority over all of this so why are we so afraid. It's time for us, true disciples of Christ, to rise up and live our lives boldly and unapologetic because there are so many people who need to see God through us, who are looking and searching for hope.  I pray that my life and the trials that I have overcome encourages you and gives you hope.

The Waiting Game

I feel like every part of my life, at this moment, is about waiting.  Waiting on a career, waiting on a relationship, waiting on money, waiting waiting waiting.  If you can not tell, I've been frustrated, irritated, and exasperated. (Wanted to rhyme a little.)  But, I've come to understand that when I'm like this, I'm being impatient with God, irritated towards God, frustrated with God, and exasperated with God.  This is scary!  Who am I to feel this way towards my creator?  Who am I to feel this way towards the one who loves me completely even when I'm feeling this way towards Him?

He is always working on my behalf. Always!  He never stops working for my good.  My situations have not been looking good, but that does not change who my Father is.  He never changes.  So, I'm learning a lot about waiting.  In the waiting times, He is testing my heart to see if I will remain faithful towards Him, loyal to Him.  We are in a relationship and He is loyal towards me so He wants me to be loyal towards Him.  It is the least I can do. I have been thinking a lot about Abraham, Joseph, and David.  Each one of these men had amazing callings on their lives and all of them knew that God had a purpose for them individually, but each one of the had to go through tests of their faith.  Abraham had to wait 25 years to receive his blessing.  Joseph had to wait 17 years to walk into his purpose and David had to wait for years to become king even though he was anointed.  Each one had to suffer, go through trials so that their hearts, characters could be refined in order for them to be prepared to do what they were created to do.

Romans 15:4 says "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."  HOPE.  That is what Satan is trying to snatch away as we go through the waiting period.  He is trying to steal our faith, but we must learn how to wait while our Father is at work.  He tells us to wait quietly, patiently, and expectantly on Him.  But, as I have said before, I have been waiting scared, doubtful, questioning His love for me when things don't go the way I want them to, and just forgetting what He has already done in my life.  I'm amazed at the depth of God's love for me and how He continues to be patient with me as I learn how to wait on Him and be patient as He takes care of my life.

It's really silly when you think about it.  It's like I'm being a little child telling my Father:  "I want this now!" but my Father says, "No, it's not time and if you had it now it will hurt you, so you have to wait."  I say, "No, I can handle it.  I want this now!  It's what I've always wanted.  I think I'm at a place to handle it."  My Father says, "I created you.  I actually know you more than you know yourself, so, who do you think has the better judgement in this situation?"

It's crazy, but God is love.  He has been helping me endure as I wait on Him to do His will for my life and I am excited about the plans He has considered for my life and the details that have been laid out for me.  It makes me feel secure when I think about it this way and I feel safe in Him, in His hands, as I continue to WAIT.

Saying Goodbye to my Aunt Shirley

A couple of weeks ago, my Aunt Shirley went to sleep and will not wake up until the end.  In other words, she died.  I miss her, but I know she is better off.  She had cancer and was in a lot of pain.  I spoke with her a month ago, but it was brief.  She was describing to me what was going on and she could hear in my tone that I was sad.  I couldn't disguise it.  When I went home a few months ago, I wanted to see her but I didn't have the chance to. By the time I got there, she and my uncle had left.  When I first began this journey to New York, she was the one who took me to the travel agency so that I could get a ticket here.  When I moved here, I began to study the bible and I learned so much about God and the things I needed to change in my life.  After I was baptized, I called home to share the great news with my mom.  She didn't think it was that great.  She asked me why did I get baptized again after I had been baptized when I was 12 years old.  I told her that I didn't know my sins then and did not understand what it meant to repent of them then, so, my baptism was null and void.  (In Acts 2:38 Peter tells people how to enter the Kingdom of God-Repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of sins and then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit)  She told me my granddaddy is turning over in his grave.  She told me I was naive and foolish and allowed the people in New York to take advantage of me because I was just a country girl.  After this phone call, I was crying so hard and was extremely hurt.  As I was going through this pain my brother called me and cursed me out for hurting my mom and then my sister called me and told me off, also.  I didn't know what to do, but I knew that I had to hold on to the truth.  Finally, my Aunt Shirley called me.  This is how the conversation went.  "Hey, Gwen how is everything going."  (Instantly, in my mind I knew she had spoken to my mom because I could tell in her tone that she was heading somewhere.)  I told her what everyone had said and what  I had done and that I was not naive and that I studied the bible for myself and understand what  God wanted me to do and I did not follow people, but I was following what was right according to the word.  I told her why I was baptized and how I know I did the right thing.  She listened patiently to everything I said.  After I finish speaking, this is what she said to me, "Gwen, you are more braver then anyone of us down here and I'm going to tell your mom to leave you alone and let you go."  I broke down crying and I thanked her.  After that phone call, my mom called me back and apologized and my siblings did too.  I know my aunt talked to her and told her exactly what she said she would.  She never stopped believing in me.  She never stopped encouraging me and I am forever grateful for that.