Overwhelmed

Hey, ya'll.  I know it has been a couple of months since I wrote my last post and a lot has happened over the last months.  I'm not going to bore you with all of the details, but, all I can say is OVERWHELMING!  My life has become so packed with things that have to be done.  At work, everything has to be done by the next day or else.  (That's another blog of it's own.)  In my personally life, trying to have a pure relationship with a man that I am completely in love with is overwhelming.  Whoever said waiting till you get married is easy is LYING to you.  I am so grateful and he and I both want to have a relationship the way God has called us to have it and are striving to be pure, but, Lord knows it's hard.  I'm grateful for him.  It's not only hard with the purity part, but it's hard with getting to know someone and allowing their needs to be before your own.  Yes, I am selfish and that's why God has placed this man in my life.  I said I want to be like Jesus and he is here to help me with this!  I am seeing my character more and more and how much I need to change in order for us to have a harmonious relationship.  I'm so emotional too.  I didn't realize how emotional I was until the last couple of months.  Being in love is a roller coaster and you go all over the place.  I am now learning how to be stable.  Man, sometimes I think I'm crazy.  I never took to heart when people say that love makes you crazy.  I was like, not me.  But, I was wrong.  I'm learning how to be stable mentally.  I don't need to be admitted yet. (God is helping me with my sanity.)  (lol!)  My boyfriend is great.  He is so loving and I just want to be the best for him and when I am not or when I "feel" like I am not, then I can drive myself crazy with insecurities and fears.  I'm learning how to trust God with us.

Now, my future.  I feel like I'm at a cross roads.   My music career is going to be kicking off the next year, but I don't know how.  I am so excited but I have no plan.  It's all in God's hands and He is directing it all.  UGH!  I wish He would say, this is what I'm about to do and this is what I need you to do and this is when it's going to happen and how it's going to happen and you need to be ready for this when it does. Oh, and you can wear this and eat this here and live in this place and you and Joe are getting married this day and this place and this is how you are going to pay for it and this is where you will live and the ministry you are in and this is what your future will look like.

Wow, welcome to my thoughts!  It would be sooooo cool if God told me all of the details, but He is teaching me to trust Him and not to try to be a control freak because He is in control.  I am overwhelmed because I want to be in control and everything that is going on is to much for me to control so I need God to control it all anyway.  I am insane because I want to try to control every part of my life, but I can't control it anyway because I didn't create it in the beginning.  Every part of my life was written out before I was born.
Ps 139:16 All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I just have to wait for God to reveal His master plan to me and be patient in the waiting period and ready when the plan is revealed and not have a heart attack in the midst of it all.  Pray for me.
  

AMAZINIG!!

I am so amazed by what God is doing with my life.  Ok, let me be real. I am so scared by what God is doing with my life.  Why am I scared?  Because He is blowing my mind and I'm not in control and He is showing me that whatever He wants will happen regardless of my situation. Check this out:  During labor day weekend, me, my boyfriend, and a girlfriend of mine drove down to Georgia and to Arkansas.  This trip was an adventure!  I am so convicted by Joe's desire to want to do what is right before God.  Do you know that he would rather sleep in a car than sleep under the same roof with me because of his desire to please God?! I was amazed by that! (My family was too, to say the least.   They think he's crazy, but people thought Jesus was too, so, we are cool with that.)  Anyway, we had the chance to meet each other's family.  It was so amazing how we connected.  My brothers were able to tell him stories about me that, I must say, are true and he is still not running away screaming.  One cool thing happened while there, my mom and I were able to sing together.  I broke down crying like a baby because I was so moved and my mom walked up and took the mic and continued with the song.  Again, I was BLOWN away!  Next, on the way coming back from Arkansas, I got a phone call from the job that had called me up and said that they couldn't hire me because I was not a certified teacher.  I was fine with that, because, even during the first interview, I told them I wasn't certified, but they asked me to come back.  I even called after the orientation process to let them know, again, that I wasn't certified and the lady just overlooked what I said.  So, to get this call was a shock.  I told them to call me back that day but they didn't.  Because they didn't call me back, I dismissed it again as if they have found someone else.  Then I prayed that if it is God's will for me to work there, let them call me back the next day.  Guess what!  The next morning my phone rang and it was the school calling me to see if I wanted to take the job!  I was FLOORED!  God is truly showing me His hand.  I am noticing that even though I don't have my certification, if it is what God wants for me than it will be done.   Also, I spoke to the people with the label that I'm signed with.  It is cool to have people on your side who believe in you and are willing to work with you.  This is something I've been wanting for a long time. Again, I am amazed by God. So because God is showing me all of these great things, why do I still worry and struggle with anxiety?  I get angry with myself because of this.  He is showing me how much he is for me and He has given up everything for me, so, what am I afraid of?  I am still checking my heart on this and learning that I must trust in Him. He is showing me that my dreams are to great for me.  My life is not my own and is to be used for Him and His glory and He will direct it in the way that is best.  He loves me, so, I need to remember and hold on to the fact that all things are working out for my good.  I pray that we grow more in the peace that transcends all understanding.
Rom 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Changes

I've been thinking a lot about changes.  I feel like a lot of changes are ahead of me on the road that I am on and sometimes I get so scared.  It is scary when you don't see what is ahead and you don't know the direction your life is going.  (As I'm writing this, my heart is beginning to pound a little faster.)  I have to be honest with you, there have been times that I wanted to turn back around and do what is comfortable and easy, but then I would miss out on the adventure. I'm scared, but I'm excited at the same time.  I was on the phone with one of my sisters one night and she put it this way:  You know the feeling you get before you get on a roller coaster for the first time?  You know its going to be scary and your stomach starts going crazy and your heart starts pounding really fast, but then, you get on. It takes off and you begin to scream at the top of your lungs, but, when it is all done and the roller coaster has come to a stop.  What do you think?  Let's do that again!
This is the description of where I feel my life is now.  Let me tell you why.
My singing career is about to take off.  I don't know what is about to happen, how it's going to happen, or even when, but I just know that it is. My label (Nuvyberecords.com) is at work with it's artists and has a plan of how they will be launching us.  I don't know when all of this is going to happen, but I know it is going to be great.
My job situation.  The job that I thought I had(but didn't want to have) didn't happen.  I prayed for it not to because I didn't want it.  I have other jobs lined up, but, this is another situation in which I don't know what is going to happen.
My relationship with me boyfriend, Joe.  We are in love and it has been an amazing time with him.  He is truly showing me how God created a man and woman relationship to be like.  We are truly helping each other become more like Christ!  It has not been an easy couple of months because my character has been exposed, but this is good.  It is helping me to mature and become more of a woman of God. I am really learning what love really is. It's not about the feelings that we have when we see each other.  It's about considering the other above ourselves. This change is going to be a continuous journey for me because I have been single for almost 15 years and dealing with what I want, when I want it, and with me and God and now having a man in this has been a ride in a half.  I am grateful because it has been pulling me out of my comfort zone and making me grow up.  We are going to be going to my family reunion at the end of the month.  Keep us in prayers because we are driving down there. Now, we are not going by ourselves.  A friend of mine is coming with me so that we can remain above reproach.  (I am grateful for the Kingdom of God!!)
We have started to talk about the direction we want to go in our relationship.  I AM SCARED!  You know how you always dreamed of something, but when it is happening you are like, hold on, wait a minute, I don't think I am ready yet!  All of that is going on inside of me.  But, as you know, I always have scriptures to turn to that has been helping me as I'm going through all of this: Is 41:13-14 For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.  Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,:  declares the Lord your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.
Is 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Jesus is holding me by my right hand and is leading me down roads that I have never chartered and is telling me to trust Him because He is my good Shepard and he holds me close to his heart. He does not want me to be afraid of the changes to come or the twist and turns that will come on my path because He has promised me that He is always with me and will never leave me.  
I pray to trust you Lord with all of my heart and not to lean on my own understanding and in all of my ways acknowledge you so that you will make my path straight.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
 

Something Crazy

Ok.  I know I haven't posted in a while, but I think now is a good time to write something.  First thing first, I've been going through emotional changes(like always) over the past months and fighting doubt about my life, where I am going, and how I am going to get there and it has been an anxious time because I've been worried about many things.  Music career not growing as fast as I would like it.  Relationship changes, learning how to trust and allow someone in and to not reflect my old pain on my new relationship.  Learning how to communicate about what I am feeling and not just explode and go crazy.  Worried about work and how I can make more income and not be anxious about how I'm going to pay my bills.  Leading a bible talk and worried about how to even do that.  Worry, anxiety, and just overwhelmed is where my mind has been over the past months, but, and there is a but, it has not remained there.  Jesus is AMAZING!  I am so excited about where He is taking my life.

I had decided to give up on my music career(again) because I haven't seen the progress or direction of what's going on.  I prayed to God about it and He answered my prayer the next day or so.    The indie label that I am with contacted me to let me know that they are releasing a mixtape with my remix of my song on it and we will start rerecording the single hopefully in September.  This gave me confirmation that He is opening doors for that to be successful.

In addition to growing my music, my relationship is growing.  I am so in love with him and he treats me so much like a queen.  God has given me an amazing man to learn how to love and give my heart.  I am so excited about where this relationship is going.  He is so old school.  Love it!  He opens doors for me.  He gets out of the car all of the time to open the door for me.  He shares scriptures with me and inspires me in my walk with God.  He deeply shows me how much he loves me and all of this we are doing purely.  No kissing at all.  We just hold hands.  Now, this has not been easy, but, we just really want to please God with our relationship.  God has been blessing both of our live because of our decision to stay pure.

Now, if you don't know, I've been substitute teaching for several years because I've been trying to focus on being an artist, but, I am at a point in my life where I need steady income and if I can try to do both (again) that would be great.  So, I prayed about this and asked God to not let me go another summer worried about income and to give me work.  I was busy sending off resumes and looking for temp jobs when, out of the blue, a school called me to teach summer school.  Now, I had put my name down to teach summer school, but as a substitute never thinking they would call me for consistent work.  God is AMAZING! I have been working from July to August.  The kids are a handful, but I have income and not worried about money.  Also, I prayed about a full time job and sent my resume off to several schools and one day this school called me and asked me to come for an interview.  They called me back for the second interview and now I found out this week that they want me to work with them.  Again, God is Amazing!    I am praying to have fun in this and to enjoy this journey and not see it as hard or get anxious around every corner because, my Father is seriously showing me that He is taking care of every angle of my life.  This scripture is something I want you to remember: Ps 73:23-24 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Love ya'll

Learning how to wait

I know it's been a while since I posted anything.  The last time I did was when I started dating my boyfriend.  The past couple of months have been great.  I have never felt this way towards any man.  I have never felt this deeply loved by a man.  I just wanted to share what has been on my heart lately.  I get scared at times because of the unknown.  I can't see my future or what's going to happen in my life as a whole.  When you see the picture of the road on my blog, it's a picture of the road I live on in Arkansas.  You can look down the road, but you don't know what's coming.  I think that is the way life is.  Sometimes I frustrate myself trying to figure out what's about to come, but all the while it is to no avail.  I need to wait.  God is teaching me how to wait.  Man, it is so hard.  You know I feel like I've been waiting an eternity for my life to fall into place the way that I've always dreamed it would.  I know, I am very dramatic, but I hate waiting.  I know that it is for my good that I am waiting and that everything is being prepared for me, but sometimes I don't know what to do while waiting.  I feel like I'm twirling my fingers at times and just looking around wondering what is going on. Now, don't get me wrong, I am constantly doing something, but a part of me is hoping that it's not a waist of my time.  I honestly don't believe that it is, but, it has been hard.  Now, you may be wondering what I am waiting on.  Well, I'm a soul artist/ singer/songwriter and I've been waiting on just getting started in it fully.  I see it happening and I can even touch it, but, I must wait.  It's like when your mom is cooking this amazing dinner and you smell the aroma of it all and you can't wait to taste it and you go in the kitchen to see if she is done and she says not yet, it's going to be another hour and you feel like you are about to burst because you know that it is going to be sooooo good.  That's how I feel.  I'm excited about what's to come.  God has already answered my prayers in amazing ways.  I have waited and prayed for a man that will love me for me and love God and want to do what is right before Him and God has blessed my waiting by giving me a man that adores me. So, waiting does pay off.  I will continue to wait and share with you what is happening as I wait and even when its time for me to move forward down the road, I will make sure I let you know about the journey I'm on.  I hope my life and my journey is helping you in some way.

God is smiling on me

As I'm writing this post, I have a smile on my face.  I am so happy and encouraged by God.  He has been blowing me away in just how He is showing me He loves me.  If you don't know me, you would not understand the joy that I feel or the reason for it, so, I'm going to share with you about why I am so happy.  I have been a disciple of Christ (living my life by the Bible and using it as my standard for living) for 15 years this year.  I am 37 years old and I have been single, no boyfriend, for the past 8 or 9 years.  In this time, I've struggled up and down with wanting a boyfriend, but no one came.  That is until about 4 years ago.  I've known Joseph for a long time, but he started trying to court me (yes, I love the old ways of dating, the pure way, God's way) a couple of years ago, but neither one of us were mature at that point or ready.  We lost touch for 2 years and this past year we reconnected after some time.

I believe we reconnected for the following reason.  I prayed the following prayer: "Father, I know that you are the one who holds my heart in your hand.  You are my Father and I believe that you arrange relationships, just like the people in India and other places do, because, you know who is best for me.  I don't know, so, I need you to take my heart and give it to the man you feel will protect it and represent your love for me here on this earth.  Father, I trust you and know that you will give it to the man that you find is worthy of having my heart. I'm not going to ask you for any signs cause I always get confused in that, but you know what I need to see to know that it was you.  In Jesus name, Amen"

And I left it and went about my Father's business.  I didn't worry about a man or who it's going to be anymore.  I surrendered it to my Father and kept focused on helping other women know Him.  That is my heart, my single focus.  I love my Father and I have come to the conclusion that if it is just me and Him that is all I would need because He is my portion and I do not want drama.  Anyway, a couple of weeks later several people started mentioning Joe to me and how encouraging he was.  Different people who I know did not conspire together to say "let's get Melika to start thinking about Joe."  No!  This was the work of my Father and I could see it.  Then, Joe, out of no where, asked me on a date to go to his sister's birthday party.  I was so nervous and shocked because we hadn't had a date in 2 years and now our first date is to a family's celebration.  OMG! That was nerve recking to me.  Anyway, I prayed and my Father helped me to see that it was ok and I could trust him and be vulnerable when we talked during our drive to New Jersey.  It was one of my best dates ever.

After that, I prayed, "God, I'm feeling something.  I wonder if he is too.  Allow him to mention it to me first."   A day or so later, he called me to tell me he liked me and then I could tell him I felt the same.  ( I know, I'm so cheesy.  My siblings tell me that all the time, but I like stuff like this.)
From there, we set up boundaries in how much we would talk and we planned dates and we were doing this for a couple of months.  In this time, I was struggling with fear and trusting if this is from God, but, I had to let go of my fear and trust God.  I could now see the different things His hands were doing because I know none of this is of my doing.  I started to feel anxious because I was really liking him and not knowing where he was leading the relationship.  I was talking to my girlfriends about him and everything.  Anyway, last night, we had a date and as we were walking down the street, he turned to me and said that he has dated many women but he doesn't want to go on any of the dates anymore because he just thinks about me, so, he asked me at that point to be his girlfriend.  I said I would think about it.  (I know, I was wrong, but I like teasing him.)  He gave me 10 reasons why he wants me to be his girlfriend and he read it to me before I gave him my answer.  I was blown away.  I am blown away.  God is amazing and I am grateful that I am waiting on Him because He always knows what is best.

New Things!

I know that it's been some time since I posted but, here I am.  I just wanted to share with ya'll how excited I am about this year.  It has already started off great. I start recording my new single that will be released this spring and hopefully the album will be released this summer. (Yey!) The producers I'm working with are amazing! I am so blown away by God.  Ok, now here is the next thing.  I've started a TV show called "In the Living Room with Melika Miller". LOL! This is so funny to me because I've never imagined myself doing something like that.  Now, everyone who knows me knows how much I love to talk and well, this is really going to be good for me.  It's basically a talk show that I am doing to invite people who have inspiring lives that can encourage and bring hope to others.  I'm also excited because I'm going to be working on a documentary this year and a TV sitcom that I think will be so funny.  I am so unbelievable joyful about all of this.  Now, this is a great adventure that I never thought of trying, but God has thought other wise and is with me on this path, so, here we go!
Now, personally, I've been building a great friendship with someone I've known for almost 10 years. It's been amazing and like a prayer come true.  God is so thoughtful and has set this up so that I can see His hands in this.  I have to share with you what happened!
First, we stopped hanging out and haven't been involved in each other's lives for over 2 years.  Then, I decided to pray for a relationship and I told my Father to show me His hands in so that I would know it was Him and I'm not asking for any signs because He knows what I would need to see to know that His hands are doing it.  Ya'll, let me tell you how He is showing me!!!!
He set it up for 4 different people to talk to me about him and how encouraging he was to them.  One of my friends even suggested that he had feelings for me.  I started thinking about all of this.  None of them knew our history, but all of them were speaking well about him.  Then, one day at our singles devotional, he asked me, out of the blue, to come with him to a function his FAMILY, was having.  I almost screamed!  It shocked me so much, but I knew it was God so I said yes.  We had an amazing time together and had the chance to catch up on everything that has been going on in each other's lives.  Currently, we are growing deeper in our friendship and becoming best friends.  I can't wait to see what this chapter is going to be about!