Performing at the Shrine

Wow, tonight was so amazing.  I am so grateful I had the chance to be apart of the Rendezvous Showcase line up.  God is totally working it all out for my good.  Honestly ya'll, tonight was the first time I've performed with a band in two years!!  I was so nervous!  I prayed so much about everything.  I was worried about messing up the songs and the audience not liking me.  But God helped me to understand that He works for the good of those who love Him and He is always at work, therefore, He is always working everything out for my good.  I had to remember this so that I could talk myself back to reality.  Thank you Father for the gift of your Holy Spirit!!
At the beginning of this year, I wouldn't have thought that I would be performing or have a single out.  I wanted to, but, I was so focused on teaching school and helping my children that I didn't have time to perform. It was a great night tonight and I'm excited about the experience and the people I met.  This group called, Jesus Peace, was amazing!  We definitely have to work together.  Anyway, I will blog more later because right now I have to go to bed.  Hope ya'll are doing well!

Speak Up

I started this blog as a way to share my life with others.  I am not as special as anyone else.  There is nothing about my life that would cause someone to be in awe of me.  Nevertheless, I want my life to be an example of the power of God, so, I will speak.  I will share my life.  Even if a small amount of people read my blog, my prayer is that someone is moved to grow closer to Jesus.  In my next couple of blogs, I will be speaking more about my life, deeper about the different issues that I see.  Some of the things I say, you may not agree with them.  That is OK.  We can agree to disagree, but, that will not stop me from sharing what I believe.  Sometimes, we don't speak up because we don't want to be politically incorrect or make others feel uncomfortable, but, when we do this, we are actually being selfish.  What if something that I say could save you?   What if something you say could keep someone from danger?  Why not speak up about it?  Why are we so afraid of what people say or what people can do to us?  Because of our fears and because of our selfishness, people around us are dying and hurting.  Because we choose not to stand up for what is right, the world is going to Hell faster.  We are being by standers, but we are not innocent.  We have the voice to speak up about the injustice that we see, but we don't.  This has to change.  This must change.  We have a responsibility for one another even if we don't acknowledge it.  We can walk around deceived, but the truth is we are all accountable for one another.  No one is exempt.  We need to step up, speak out about what is true, not shrink back.  We must stand up for what is right and not be afraid of what the outcome will be.  God is with us and has promised us that He will never leave us.  So, I'm willing to go with God wherever He wants to take me and to say whatever He wants me to say.  Are you?

Jesus is our example.  He is the truth.  We need to speak up about Him and help others understand that He is the only way, the truth and the light and that no one comes to the Father except through Him.  This is the truth.  We need to live our lives in a matter that is worthy of this gospel and not be afraid of what others can do to us.  People have been killed because of their standing up and proclaiming to be a Christian.  It is time for us to stand up for what is true and not be afraid of what people will say about us or what they will do.  This is just the beginning.  We are only getting started.   Many will fall away and turn their backs on Jesus, but those who remain faithful to Him will receive the prize when He returns.  We must keep our eyes fixed and focused on Him.  He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  Let's stand for Him.  Let's rebel against the ways of this world that is leading so many of us astray.  Let's be bold and courageous because our God is a consuming fire.

Don't Give Up

Ok.  I'm at a point in my life in which I want to quit.  Walking by faith and not by sight is so so hard.  I can't see ahead of me and I don't know what is around the door.  I am tired of pursuing different things and nothing ever coming to be.  I am tired of working so hard only to just go a little distance.  Everything in my life at the moment is a question mark.  I want to love again, but even that seems like it's never going to happen.  I am in a mood right now.  I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything.

I have been sitting at home trying to find jobs but don't really know the direction I should go.  I have had an amazing summer but now it is time to start working, but I don't want to do just any job.  Why can't I do what I love?  Why does it have to be so hard?  I feel like others have it so easy, but nope, not me.  It has to be tooth pulling difficult.  I'm grumpy at the moment.  I want to do this talk show and have placed up a go fund me page to try to make money, but no one cares.  My music career has been non existent.  I've had shows over the years and only a few people came to support me.  Why am I still doing this?  Why haven't I quit and said whatever and gone back to school for something else?  I want the dream.  I want to use all of my talents to glorify God.  I really do, but why does it have to be sooooooo hard?

I miss my family.  I live so far away from them.  I don't want to miss my nephews and niece grow up.  I want to be in their lives.  Financially, I'm running out of funds and don't have a job as of yet.  I want to be able to travel home or to see my family without worrying about my finances, but that is not how my life is now.  When will I catch a break?  When will I be able to walk through the doors that will lead to my destiny?

I know that God is for me.  I believe that, but my faith is being tested and refined and it is taking all of me not to give up.  I don't want to miss out on the blessings that are right around the corner all because I took matters into my own hands or all because I doubted and didn't have the faith to persevere.  I want to be a woman of great faith, able to walk through fire and not get burned.  Able to see the waters rushing against me but still remain standing.  This is who I am becoming.  This is the woman my Father is making me into.

I will not give up.  I will persevere so that I can receive the blessings He has in store for my life.  I will hold on to His hands as He is leading me through this valley, through the areas I can not see.  When I am afraid, I will trust Him because He is holding me close to His heart.  I will rest in His arms and allow Him to whisper in my ear that everything is working out for my good.  I will allow His peace to rest in my heart as I rest in Him and trust Him in every part of my life.

I will be ok.  My life is blessed and will continue to be blessed.  I will be a light to the world so that He receives the glory.  I will become less so that He can be more.  My life is not my own.  It does not belong to me.  I will be still.

My day at the beach

Today was such a good day. I had to share this with you. Me and a couple of friends went to the beach today.  I just got back from Arkansas and I can't afford to go to the Bahamas air some other Caribbean Island, so, Far Rockaway, Queens is where I chose to go. I love th ocean and I love being in the water. I can't swim a lick but I love going under and pretending that I can.   Anyway, while sitting the a thought passed through my mind that I wanted to share with you:  No matter if the waves are rushing into your life, don't fight against it.  You will only grow tired.

This thought hit me because life's troubles and hard circumstances can flip you all around emotionally and you can forget who is really in control.  Your emotions start to blind you from the force that is able to control the waves.  We begin to focus on the waves and not the one who is able to cause the waves to be still.  Here is the next thought that came to me:  True peace is being able to rest and be still and float in the current and allow it to take you to the places you are suppose to go.  God will direct it all.  It all belongs to Him.  You just need to be still.

With this thought, God is teaching me to be still in His presence, His power. Be in awe of Him and His Majesty.  Jesus has allowed me to have an opportunity to know the Father and to be in His Presence and I have to still my soul regardless of the problems and the troubles I may see because His Presence is always with me.  I have to understand that He is all powerful and able to control whatever the situations may be.  I just need to not fight against Him or the issues because it just makes me tired and weary. Have you ever noticed how much worrying and anxiety tires you out? It is exhausting and doesn't change anything.  So, I am learning and prayerfully I will get this lesson to be still and know that He is God.

Ps 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in
the earth.

Unknown Land

Hey, ya'll.  I just finished working at Promise Academy High School 1 and it was a test of my character and love for God.  It was amazingly hard and I learned so much about the things I need to change in my life.  I want to be right and sometimes I think that I am right(most of the time).  That is my arrogance and one of my downfalls.  I am learning that I don't have to be right all of the time, but it is important to be righteous and to do what is right no matter how I may feel.

The school's policy and how they thought about teachers was all so wrong(in my eyes) and I can't go into how they think because I'm going to get angry all over again and that is not the purpose to of me writing this.  Anyway, I am starting anew, again.  I don't know what's about to happen, but I need to share with you what God showed me as I was flying from New York to Memphis.

I was sitting on a plane and I looked out the window.  As I was looking out the window, it came to me that by faith, I got on the plane and trusted that the pilot (who I have never met) knew where he was going and, of course, in order for him to have the job, he had to be able to fly a plane.  I trusted that he had the credentials to do the job.  I wasn't worried about how I was going to get to the destination.  I was able to look out at the clouds and relax.  God spoke to my heart in this moment.  He said to me that I need to have the same mind set about Him that I have about the pilot.

God is the creator of everything. We and all of creation are His credentials.  He knows the end in the beginning because He has written it all out.  He has already spoken over my life what He wants to do with it.  Since I know these things, I need to live my life in this way and stop being anxious about my future.  I need to learn how to relax and let him be the pilot.  He sees the turbulance ahead and knows how to navigate through the storms.  He knows how to reach the destination I want to go to because He has the directions needed in order for me to get there.

I need to sit on His plane and allow Him to guide me there and stop trying to tell Him which direction I want to go or get nervous and want to take control of the plane.  What is going to happen if I take control of an airplane?  Shoot, I can't fly a plane, so we will crash!  This same thing applies to my life.  I've been learning a lot since I got home.  He wants me to have that peace that transcends all understanding and to truly understand what it means to be still and know that He is God.  I so want this! God is showing me that I have this, but I just need to accept it and stop trying to take control of my plane (my life).

Ps 46:10 He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Sickness

I've gone through some scary points in my life but one thing I have always feared is seeing my mom sick.  I know that sickness and death are apart of this life, but, when it comes to my mom, I am not ready for that yet.  A couple of months ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  When I heard this, I was so numb at first.  Then, after the reality of it set in, I broke down crying.  I was so afraid.  Hearing cancer, in my mind, meant death because different people close to me have passed away from the same cancer.  I do not have the strength to watch her go through this.  I am to weak, to fragile to see this.

So I prayed and got on a flight home to Arkansas.  My goal for being here was to help her have fun and encourage her heart because, if I am going through these emotions, then she is experiencing them worse.  During our time, we went to Memphis to Stax Museum.  I have always wanted to go there with her.  We both love music.  She is the one who helped to put the love of music in me!  We enjoyed every moment.  Afterwards, we went to Beale Street to have food.  We stopped at this restaurant named Blues City Cafe and had this amazing dessert called Apple dumpling.  Ooohwe that thing was good!!  That was one of our high lights of the day.

Leading up to her surgery, we have had so many heart to hearts. She said to me one day at the table that she does not want to go yet and that she has so much more life to live, but if its her time to go, she is willing and ready.  Ya'll, it took so much for me to sit and have a conversation with her about something so intense.  I understand that we are not meant to stay here forever.  I get that.  I believe, right now, that I am not ready to say that it's over.  I've been praying for God to extend my moms life.  I've also been praying for the cancer not to spread and for the cells to be the kind that are stationary.  I prayed for the doctors to be able to remove all of the cancer and for her to just need a little radiation.

Ya'll, I hope this does not sound selfish, but I do believe I am one of God's favorites because He truly listens to me.  He truly answered my prayers.  She had her surgery last week and the doctors were able to move the tumor and she is going to need a little radiation.  I'm now praying for complete healing and for her to be able to enjoy the rest of her life without pain.  Thank you to any of you who are reading this and prayed for her and my family.  Thank you for loving us in this way.  I pray for many blessings over your life and an abundance of peace.
Love you.

HBO Night!

Hey, ya'll.  It is 11:07pm and I have to get up mad early in the morning, but, I needed to write this before going to sleep.  God is so amazing! Yes, I try to say that in every post, but, He really is.  Let me tell you what happened.  On Friday, I received an email from someone inviting me to come to a workshop for singer/songwriters for a HBO project that is called Bessie 81 tour.  It's promoting the movie Bessie that has Queen Latifah in it.  Anyway, I was so encouraged to be invited to the workshop, but, I thought about having to work during the time that the workshop was being held.  So, I prayed and I asked my Father, that if it is His will for me to go, for Him to give me favor and show me this by allowing my supervisor to say that I could go.  I sent an email to her on Sunday and she said that we would talk about it on Monday morning.

When I went into her office, she asked me what it was about.  I told her that it was a workshop that would help me grow more in my craft as a singer/songwriter.  She said that she just wanted more information about it and that I could go and if I thought that 12pm was a good time.  (The workshop started at 1pm.)  I said yes.  I almost danced as I walked out of the door because I saw the favor of God on my life.

At the workshop, I had the chance to meet some amazing people.  I met Stacey Barthe  who is a major singer/songwriter and has worked with Rihanna and others.  I didn't know who she was.  I have never heard of her, but I was glad to be able to listen to her and her experience.   Everything she shared was on point.  I connected with her because, as a songwriter, my goal is to write my life, my emotions and feelings.  She said something that was great.  She said that writing about my emotions will connect with any human because we all feel.  (I'm paraphrasing.)  She also said that writing is cleansing.  I totally agree with that.  I was feeling so emotional in the workshop because I realized that I have a lot of pinned up emotions that I need to write about.  There are a lot of songs in me that I need to release.

Anyway, after that, I had the chance to talk to producer, Brian Micheal Cox.  He was so down to earth.  He shared with me about how he keeps his head in the industry.  He told me that he looks at the guys in Nashville who have won many grammies too, but still go home to their families.  This is not their lives.  Producers can come and go, so this can not be your life.  This helped me remember that it's not about singing or being on stage.  It is all temporary.  It's about the life that I live off stage and when no one is looking.  Anyway, I am excited.  I want to work with both of them.  I see that happening.  Oh, I also heard an artist tonight by the name of Diva Mahal.  She was great.  I had the chance to talk to a guy from Rolling Out Magazine.  He was funny.  Hopefully he looks up my song that is being released next month(Don't Give Up Now) and my label(NuVyBe Records).  That would be really cool.  Any way, I'm going to sleep now.  Just wanted to share this bit from my day.   I hope that, if you are reading this post, that you see God's power over your life and that your heart continues to draw closer to Him.  Love you!