Don't Give Up

Ok.  I'm at a point in my life in which I want to quit.  Walking by faith and not by sight is so so hard.  I can't see ahead of me and I don't know what is around the door.  I am tired of pursuing different things and nothing ever coming to be.  I am tired of working so hard only to just go a little distance.  Everything in my life at the moment is a question mark.  I want to love again, but even that seems like it's never going to happen.  I am in a mood right now.  I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything.

I have been sitting at home trying to find jobs but don't really know the direction I should go.  I have had an amazing summer but now it is time to start working, but I don't want to do just any job.  Why can't I do what I love?  Why does it have to be so hard?  I feel like others have it so easy, but nope, not me.  It has to be tooth pulling difficult.  I'm grumpy at the moment.  I want to do this talk show and have placed up a go fund me page to try to make money, but no one cares.  My music career has been non existent.  I've had shows over the years and only a few people came to support me.  Why am I still doing this?  Why haven't I quit and said whatever and gone back to school for something else?  I want the dream.  I want to use all of my talents to glorify God.  I really do, but why does it have to be sooooooo hard?

I miss my family.  I live so far away from them.  I don't want to miss my nephews and niece grow up.  I want to be in their lives.  Financially, I'm running out of funds and don't have a job as of yet.  I want to be able to travel home or to see my family without worrying about my finances, but that is not how my life is now.  When will I catch a break?  When will I be able to walk through the doors that will lead to my destiny?

I know that God is for me.  I believe that, but my faith is being tested and refined and it is taking all of me not to give up.  I don't want to miss out on the blessings that are right around the corner all because I took matters into my own hands or all because I doubted and didn't have the faith to persevere.  I want to be a woman of great faith, able to walk through fire and not get burned.  Able to see the waters rushing against me but still remain standing.  This is who I am becoming.  This is the woman my Father is making me into.

I will not give up.  I will persevere so that I can receive the blessings He has in store for my life.  I will hold on to His hands as He is leading me through this valley, through the areas I can not see.  When I am afraid, I will trust Him because He is holding me close to His heart.  I will rest in His arms and allow Him to whisper in my ear that everything is working out for my good.  I will allow His peace to rest in my heart as I rest in Him and trust Him in every part of my life.

I will be ok.  My life is blessed and will continue to be blessed.  I will be a light to the world so that He receives the glory.  I will become less so that He can be more.  My life is not my own.  It does not belong to me.  I will be still.