Looking back

I noticed that I haven't written a post in several years!  A lot has been going on.  Over the past 20 years, I lived in New York City.  I moved there to pursue a music career.  While there, I studied the bible and decided to be baptized and become a disciple of Jesus.  My dream of becoming a singer remained in my heart.  I performed in different showcases and had different managers over the years, but nothing ever came from it.  I taught school for several years.  I enjoyed it, but my heart was torn because I wanted to perform and have a career as an entertainer.  I started looking at other artist like Alicia Keys and India Arie who came out in 2002 and I felt that God was against me.  I had been trying to have this career for so long and I was living my life for Him so why was my life so difficult.  If this was a gift that was given to me to impact the world, why was it so hard for me to break into the industry?  I became embittered and angry.  I was angry with God and resentful of my gift of singing.  I asked him to take the desire to sing away from me.  I asked him to take the dream of being a performer away from me. He didn't.  Singing is in my DNA, it is a part of who I am.  I need to breath in order to survive and I need to sing in order for my soul to be encouraged.  So, I decided to use my gift at church and to encourage my ministry.  I decided to not think about becoming a famous artist because it was not where I needed to be.  I had so much to fight through emotionally.  I was feeling so insecure.  I compared my life to others and felt like I was nothing.  I had to grow in accepting myself, my gift and understanding how to wait and be patient.  This was the beginning of me learning what it means to wait on God and to be still before Him.  This was also the beginning of me understanding that the Lord is my portion and therefore I will wait on him (Lamentation 3).  I was frustrated though because things were not happening on my time frame.

I also dated someone for a year and a half.  I had been waiting for my husband and wanted to get married.  By this time my baby sister was married and had already had her son.  Again, I can grumble in my heart and feel like I'm trying to do this life thing according to God's standards but He is not blessing me with what I want when I want it.   You see, I am waiting until I am married to have sex, so yes, I am a virgin.  So, I have been waiting a while for my husband (I am still waiting for him!!).   I began to feel impatient.  Then I got a boyfriend.  I thought he was going to be my husband.  I was sooo wrong.  In the beginning it was good and we had fun, but it all changed.  I could tell that he was feeling insecure about his life.  He was not financially stable and compared himself to me.  He started to be argumentative and we fought a lot.  Nevertheless, I continued to try to work things out with him.   I was willing to remain in a relationship with someone who was not good for me just because I didn't want to hurt him.  I had prayed for God to break us up because I couldn't do it.  I wanted him to break us up because I felt I could handle it better emotionally.  He eventually did break up with me and I was hurt.  It felt like I was craving for something that I knew was bad for me, but because he was familiar, I didn't care.  It was a pain I never want to experience again.  It wasn't time for me to get married, but it was time for me to grow up emotionally and to work on my codependent nature.  It was time for me to work on myself and heal from my past so that, when God says it is time for me to have a career in music or to get married, I could handle it emotionally.

This was the beginning of my emotional growth.  I will continue to share more about this in my next post.  

Melika's Journey: Just catching up

Melika's Journey: Just catching up: So many things happened since the last time I posted.  Wow, it has been an emotional journey.  I have to be honest with you.  I don't kn...

Just catching up

So many things happened since the last time I posted.  Wow, it has been an emotional journey.  I have to be honest with you.  I don't know where my life is going, but I do know that I have to make the most of the days that I have.  My birthday just passed.  I turned 41.  Yey me!  I can't believe it!  I told my mom today that I feel that this second half of my life is going to be better than the first half.  By the way, she's excited about turning 70.  (My mom is amazing!)  On my birthday, I had a light bulb moment.  I don't know, but it made me feel so special.  Here's what I realized:  My purpose for being born is to be an encouragement to the lives of others.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I've always believed that my life is to be used to encourage and inspire others, but it truly made sense to me this day.  I feel more aware of why God sent me to this earth and has allowed me to live here for this moment.  I truly believe that we are all sent to this earth and we have to be open, guided to the purpose of our existence.  In order for me to be led to this place, I've been open to Jesus leading me and directing my entire life.  This has been so hard, but it is an adventure! With me letting go and being guided, He has led me to graduate school (I'm studying to become a mental health counselor with emphasis on spiritual care),  to a new job (I'm a continuing education teacher at Bronx Community College), and to new and deeper relationships.  He is also leading me in my career as a Indie Soul Artist/entertainer.  Ya'll, I feel so excited about what's to come! I don't even know what is about to happen, but I know it's going to be amazing and I'll be able to share it with all of you!!  That is my hope.  I just want to use music to touch your hearts and move your souls.  While I'm allowed to be here, I want to live the best complete life that I can and do everything that I am created to do.  I hope to meet you along this journey and have the chance to connect with you in some way and I pray that you live your life to the fullest and be a light that shines.
All to God's glory!
Peace, Love, and Hair Grease!!

Life's Questions

I've been using this blog to share about my life.  I don't know who is interested in this, but, I believe that I have learned lessons over my life time that I can't keep to myself.  Writing about my life is also therapeutic.  So, with this in mind, I wanted to talk about my year.  This year is coming to an end really quickly and it has been one filled with so many emotions and questions.  I quit teaching at Promise Academy High School.  I couldn't take the foolishness anymore.  I'll talk about that later.  After finishing up my year there, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Jesus taught me to have faith and just believe that He will heal her.  He did.  

After returning, back to New York, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life.  My music career wasn't happening and I didn't have any jobs lined up.  My life has been about walking by faith and not by sight.  This moment is truly an example of this.  I sent my resume out to different places and no one responded. I ended up going to check out a program at Fordham University for a masters in pastoral counseling and spiritual care. I was not thinking about going back to school but it ended up being in God's plans.  My life is in his hands.  I was accepted to the program and just finished my first semester.  I'm excited about what I'm learning and I look forward to what God is going to do with this.

In addition to grad school, I'm still pursuing my music career.  Over this year, I was able to record several songs and one was released.  With all of this, I still have questions.  What is going to happen with my music?  Will it be used to reach the world and help heal many soul? (yes, if it is My will).  Will I be able to do my talk show and also do other things in the entertainment industry? (Yes, if it is my will). Will I be able to tour the world and reach out to many people?  (Yes, if it is my will.)  Will I be able to help people heal through teaching them about you? (Yes, that is my will). Will I be able to finish my degree within the time we have set? (Yes, if it is my will). 

Melika, all power is in my hand and through my Son I have shown you how much I am willing to do for you.  These things you ask are small in comparison to what I will and can do for your life.  Remain faithful to me and I will show you the way to go.  You don't have to worry about anything.  I have you in the palm of my hand.  Remember, you are mine.  You belong to me and I belong to you.  I am your portion and in me you must put your trust.  All things were created by me, so all things come from me, that includes your dreams and your goals.  Always remember that I am the true and living God, your Father and I have promised you to always be with you.  I love you.

Performing at the Shrine

Wow, tonight was so amazing.  I am so grateful I had the chance to be apart of the Rendezvous Showcase line up.  God is totally working it all out for my good.  Honestly ya'll, tonight was the first time I've performed with a band in two years!!  I was so nervous!  I prayed so much about everything.  I was worried about messing up the songs and the audience not liking me.  But God helped me to understand that He works for the good of those who love Him and He is always at work, therefore, He is always working everything out for my good.  I had to remember this so that I could talk myself back to reality.  Thank you Father for the gift of your Holy Spirit!!
At the beginning of this year, I wouldn't have thought that I would be performing or have a single out.  I wanted to, but, I was so focused on teaching school and helping my children that I didn't have time to perform. It was a great night tonight and I'm excited about the experience and the people I met.  This group called, Jesus Peace, was amazing!  We definitely have to work together.  Anyway, I will blog more later because right now I have to go to bed.  Hope ya'll are doing well!

Speak Up

I started this blog as a way to share my life with others.  I am not as special as anyone else.  There is nothing about my life that would cause someone to be in awe of me.  Nevertheless, I want my life to be an example of the power of God, so, I will speak.  I will share my life.  Even if a small amount of people read my blog, my prayer is that someone is moved to grow closer to Jesus.  In my next couple of blogs, I will be speaking more about my life, deeper about the different issues that I see.  Some of the things I say, you may not agree with them.  That is OK.  We can agree to disagree, but, that will not stop me from sharing what I believe.  Sometimes, we don't speak up because we don't want to be politically incorrect or make others feel uncomfortable, but, when we do this, we are actually being selfish.  What if something that I say could save you?   What if something you say could keep someone from danger?  Why not speak up about it?  Why are we so afraid of what people say or what people can do to us?  Because of our fears and because of our selfishness, people around us are dying and hurting.  Because we choose not to stand up for what is right, the world is going to Hell faster.  We are being by standers, but we are not innocent.  We have the voice to speak up about the injustice that we see, but we don't.  This has to change.  This must change.  We have a responsibility for one another even if we don't acknowledge it.  We can walk around deceived, but the truth is we are all accountable for one another.  No one is exempt.  We need to step up, speak out about what is true, not shrink back.  We must stand up for what is right and not be afraid of what the outcome will be.  God is with us and has promised us that He will never leave us.  So, I'm willing to go with God wherever He wants to take me and to say whatever He wants me to say.  Are you?

Jesus is our example.  He is the truth.  We need to speak up about Him and help others understand that He is the only way, the truth and the light and that no one comes to the Father except through Him.  This is the truth.  We need to live our lives in a matter that is worthy of this gospel and not be afraid of what others can do to us.  People have been killed because of their standing up and proclaiming to be a Christian.  It is time for us to stand up for what is true and not be afraid of what people will say about us or what they will do.  This is just the beginning.  We are only getting started.   Many will fall away and turn their backs on Jesus, but those who remain faithful to Him will receive the prize when He returns.  We must keep our eyes fixed and focused on Him.  He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  Let's stand for Him.  Let's rebel against the ways of this world that is leading so many of us astray.  Let's be bold and courageous because our God is a consuming fire.

Don't Give Up

Ok.  I'm at a point in my life in which I want to quit.  Walking by faith and not by sight is so so hard.  I can't see ahead of me and I don't know what is around the door.  I am tired of pursuing different things and nothing ever coming to be.  I am tired of working so hard only to just go a little distance.  Everything in my life at the moment is a question mark.  I want to love again, but even that seems like it's never going to happen.  I am in a mood right now.  I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything.

I have been sitting at home trying to find jobs but don't really know the direction I should go.  I have had an amazing summer but now it is time to start working, but I don't want to do just any job.  Why can't I do what I love?  Why does it have to be so hard?  I feel like others have it so easy, but nope, not me.  It has to be tooth pulling difficult.  I'm grumpy at the moment.  I want to do this talk show and have placed up a go fund me page to try to make money, but no one cares.  My music career has been non existent.  I've had shows over the years and only a few people came to support me.  Why am I still doing this?  Why haven't I quit and said whatever and gone back to school for something else?  I want the dream.  I want to use all of my talents to glorify God.  I really do, but why does it have to be sooooooo hard?

I miss my family.  I live so far away from them.  I don't want to miss my nephews and niece grow up.  I want to be in their lives.  Financially, I'm running out of funds and don't have a job as of yet.  I want to be able to travel home or to see my family without worrying about my finances, but that is not how my life is now.  When will I catch a break?  When will I be able to walk through the doors that will lead to my destiny?

I know that God is for me.  I believe that, but my faith is being tested and refined and it is taking all of me not to give up.  I don't want to miss out on the blessings that are right around the corner all because I took matters into my own hands or all because I doubted and didn't have the faith to persevere.  I want to be a woman of great faith, able to walk through fire and not get burned.  Able to see the waters rushing against me but still remain standing.  This is who I am becoming.  This is the woman my Father is making me into.

I will not give up.  I will persevere so that I can receive the blessings He has in store for my life.  I will hold on to His hands as He is leading me through this valley, through the areas I can not see.  When I am afraid, I will trust Him because He is holding me close to His heart.  I will rest in His arms and allow Him to whisper in my ear that everything is working out for my good.  I will allow His peace to rest in my heart as I rest in Him and trust Him in every part of my life.

I will be ok.  My life is blessed and will continue to be blessed.  I will be a light to the world so that He receives the glory.  I will become less so that He can be more.  My life is not my own.  It does not belong to me.  I will be still.