Overwhelmed

Hey, ya'll.  I know it has been a couple of months since I wrote my last post and a lot has happened over the last months.  I'm not going to bore you with all of the details, but, all I can say is OVERWHELMING!  My life has become so packed with things that have to be done.  At work, everything has to be done by the next day or else.  (That's another blog of it's own.)  In my personally life, trying to have a pure relationship with a man that I am completely in love with is overwhelming.  Whoever said waiting till you get married is easy is LYING to you.  I am so grateful and he and I both want to have a relationship the way God has called us to have it and are striving to be pure, but, Lord knows it's hard.  I'm grateful for him.  It's not only hard with the purity part, but it's hard with getting to know someone and allowing their needs to be before your own.  Yes, I am selfish and that's why God has placed this man in my life.  I said I want to be like Jesus and he is here to help me with this!  I am seeing my character more and more and how much I need to change in order for us to have a harmonious relationship.  I'm so emotional too.  I didn't realize how emotional I was until the last couple of months.  Being in love is a roller coaster and you go all over the place.  I am now learning how to be stable.  Man, sometimes I think I'm crazy.  I never took to heart when people say that love makes you crazy.  I was like, not me.  But, I was wrong.  I'm learning how to be stable mentally.  I don't need to be admitted yet. (God is helping me with my sanity.)  (lol!)  My boyfriend is great.  He is so loving and I just want to be the best for him and when I am not or when I "feel" like I am not, then I can drive myself crazy with insecurities and fears.  I'm learning how to trust God with us.

Now, my future.  I feel like I'm at a cross roads.   My music career is going to be kicking off the next year, but I don't know how.  I am so excited but I have no plan.  It's all in God's hands and He is directing it all.  UGH!  I wish He would say, this is what I'm about to do and this is what I need you to do and this is when it's going to happen and how it's going to happen and you need to be ready for this when it does. Oh, and you can wear this and eat this here and live in this place and you and Joe are getting married this day and this place and this is how you are going to pay for it and this is where you will live and the ministry you are in and this is what your future will look like.

Wow, welcome to my thoughts!  It would be sooooo cool if God told me all of the details, but He is teaching me to trust Him and not to try to be a control freak because He is in control.  I am overwhelmed because I want to be in control and everything that is going on is to much for me to control so I need God to control it all anyway.  I am insane because I want to try to control every part of my life, but I can't control it anyway because I didn't create it in the beginning.  Every part of my life was written out before I was born.
Ps 139:16 All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I just have to wait for God to reveal His master plan to me and be patient in the waiting period and ready when the plan is revealed and not have a heart attack in the midst of it all.  Pray for me.