If you don't know, I've been pursuing a singing career for a while now. I moved to New York to sing, but it has been an intense journey. It's taken time for me to look at my life as a journey and learn how to enjoy it. While on this path, I've taught school for several years, was a book keeper for several years, and temp for some time, but never stopped focusing on the vision that has always been in my heart: a music career. The past 4 years have been some of my toughest. I've been behind on my bills, almost homeless, had to get food stamps, and had to apply for unemployment over the summer. But, in all of this, I still have hope. Life tried to beat it out of me. No, Satan tried to beat hope(faith) out of me. I think that my enemy was trying to beat that out of me because he knows the impact my life is going to have on the lives of many people. Yes, I'm speaking this into existence.
I've learned that I have to start speaking the truth, God's truth, over my life and stop being afraid of what people will think about me. "Oh, she's prideful or full of herself." No. It's good to think that you are special and to know that you are created for a purpose. It's good to understand that you are beautifully and wonderfully made and that you are loved deeper than what you can ever imagine. I have struggled with low self esteem for to long now and trying to get gratification from people or my talents and I've come to realize that these things are temporary. I have to get it from the one who created me. I can't be shy of being a light or afraid anymore because of over shining other people. When my life is blessed or when I'm doing great things, it encourages others and brings glory to my Father. I am tired of being one of those Christians who stand on the side lines and scared to step out because of the mean old world and truly missing out on the purpose I was created for. No! My Father is bigger than all of this and my big brother, Jesus, has authority over all of this so why are we so afraid. It's time for us, true disciples of Christ, to rise up and live our lives boldly and unapologetic because there are so many people who need to see God through us, who are looking and searching for hope. I pray that my life and the trials that I have overcome encourages you and gives you hope.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The Waiting Game
I feel like every part of my life, at this moment, is about waiting. Waiting on a career, waiting on a relationship, waiting on money, waiting waiting waiting. If you can not tell, I've been frustrated, irritated, and exasperated. (Wanted to rhyme a little.) But, I've come to understand that when I'm like this, I'm being impatient with God, irritated towards God, frustrated with God, and exasperated with God. This is scary! Who am I to feel this way towards my creator? Who am I to feel this way towards the one who loves me completely even when I'm feeling this way towards Him?
He is always working on my behalf. Always! He never stops working for my good. My situations have not been looking good, but that does not change who my Father is. He never changes. So, I'm learning a lot about waiting. In the waiting times, He is testing my heart to see if I will remain faithful towards Him, loyal to Him. We are in a relationship and He is loyal towards me so He wants me to be loyal towards Him. It is the least I can do. I have been thinking a lot about Abraham, Joseph, and David. Each one of these men had amazing callings on their lives and all of them knew that God had a purpose for them individually, but each one of the had to go through tests of their faith. Abraham had to wait 25 years to receive his blessing. Joseph had to wait 17 years to walk into his purpose and David had to wait for years to become king even though he was anointed. Each one had to suffer, go through trials so that their hearts, characters could be refined in order for them to be prepared to do what they were created to do.
Romans 15:4 says "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." HOPE. That is what Satan is trying to snatch away as we go through the waiting period. He is trying to steal our faith, but we must learn how to wait while our Father is at work. He tells us to wait quietly, patiently, and expectantly on Him. But, as I have said before, I have been waiting scared, doubtful, questioning His love for me when things don't go the way I want them to, and just forgetting what He has already done in my life. I'm amazed at the depth of God's love for me and how He continues to be patient with me as I learn how to wait on Him and be patient as He takes care of my life.
It's really silly when you think about it. It's like I'm being a little child telling my Father: "I want this now!" but my Father says, "No, it's not time and if you had it now it will hurt you, so you have to wait." I say, "No, I can handle it. I want this now! It's what I've always wanted. I think I'm at a place to handle it." My Father says, "I created you. I actually know you more than you know yourself, so, who do you think has the better judgement in this situation?"
It's crazy, but God is love. He has been helping me endure as I wait on Him to do His will for my life and I am excited about the plans He has considered for my life and the details that have been laid out for me. It makes me feel secure when I think about it this way and I feel safe in Him, in His hands, as I continue to WAIT.
He is always working on my behalf. Always! He never stops working for my good. My situations have not been looking good, but that does not change who my Father is. He never changes. So, I'm learning a lot about waiting. In the waiting times, He is testing my heart to see if I will remain faithful towards Him, loyal to Him. We are in a relationship and He is loyal towards me so He wants me to be loyal towards Him. It is the least I can do. I have been thinking a lot about Abraham, Joseph, and David. Each one of these men had amazing callings on their lives and all of them knew that God had a purpose for them individually, but each one of the had to go through tests of their faith. Abraham had to wait 25 years to receive his blessing. Joseph had to wait 17 years to walk into his purpose and David had to wait for years to become king even though he was anointed. Each one had to suffer, go through trials so that their hearts, characters could be refined in order for them to be prepared to do what they were created to do.
Romans 15:4 says "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." HOPE. That is what Satan is trying to snatch away as we go through the waiting period. He is trying to steal our faith, but we must learn how to wait while our Father is at work. He tells us to wait quietly, patiently, and expectantly on Him. But, as I have said before, I have been waiting scared, doubtful, questioning His love for me when things don't go the way I want them to, and just forgetting what He has already done in my life. I'm amazed at the depth of God's love for me and how He continues to be patient with me as I learn how to wait on Him and be patient as He takes care of my life.
It's really silly when you think about it. It's like I'm being a little child telling my Father: "I want this now!" but my Father says, "No, it's not time and if you had it now it will hurt you, so you have to wait." I say, "No, I can handle it. I want this now! It's what I've always wanted. I think I'm at a place to handle it." My Father says, "I created you. I actually know you more than you know yourself, so, who do you think has the better judgement in this situation?"
It's crazy, but God is love. He has been helping me endure as I wait on Him to do His will for my life and I am excited about the plans He has considered for my life and the details that have been laid out for me. It makes me feel secure when I think about it this way and I feel safe in Him, in His hands, as I continue to WAIT.
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