Unknown Land

Hey, ya'll.  I just finished working at Promise Academy High School 1 and it was a test of my character and love for God.  It was amazingly hard and I learned so much about the things I need to change in my life.  I want to be right and sometimes I think that I am right(most of the time).  That is my arrogance and one of my downfalls.  I am learning that I don't have to be right all of the time, but it is important to be righteous and to do what is right no matter how I may feel.

The school's policy and how they thought about teachers was all so wrong(in my eyes) and I can't go into how they think because I'm going to get angry all over again and that is not the purpose to of me writing this.  Anyway, I am starting anew, again.  I don't know what's about to happen, but I need to share with you what God showed me as I was flying from New York to Memphis.

I was sitting on a plane and I looked out the window.  As I was looking out the window, it came to me that by faith, I got on the plane and trusted that the pilot (who I have never met) knew where he was going and, of course, in order for him to have the job, he had to be able to fly a plane.  I trusted that he had the credentials to do the job.  I wasn't worried about how I was going to get to the destination.  I was able to look out at the clouds and relax.  God spoke to my heart in this moment.  He said to me that I need to have the same mind set about Him that I have about the pilot.

God is the creator of everything. We and all of creation are His credentials.  He knows the end in the beginning because He has written it all out.  He has already spoken over my life what He wants to do with it.  Since I know these things, I need to live my life in this way and stop being anxious about my future.  I need to learn how to relax and let him be the pilot.  He sees the turbulance ahead and knows how to navigate through the storms.  He knows how to reach the destination I want to go to because He has the directions needed in order for me to get there.

I need to sit on His plane and allow Him to guide me there and stop trying to tell Him which direction I want to go or get nervous and want to take control of the plane.  What is going to happen if I take control of an airplane?  Shoot, I can't fly a plane, so we will crash!  This same thing applies to my life.  I've been learning a lot since I got home.  He wants me to have that peace that transcends all understanding and to truly understand what it means to be still and know that He is God.  I so want this! God is showing me that I have this, but I just need to accept it and stop trying to take control of my plane (my life).

Ps 46:10 He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Sickness

I've gone through some scary points in my life but one thing I have always feared is seeing my mom sick.  I know that sickness and death are apart of this life, but, when it comes to my mom, I am not ready for that yet.  A couple of months ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  When I heard this, I was so numb at first.  Then, after the reality of it set in, I broke down crying.  I was so afraid.  Hearing cancer, in my mind, meant death because different people close to me have passed away from the same cancer.  I do not have the strength to watch her go through this.  I am to weak, to fragile to see this.

So I prayed and got on a flight home to Arkansas.  My goal for being here was to help her have fun and encourage her heart because, if I am going through these emotions, then she is experiencing them worse.  During our time, we went to Memphis to Stax Museum.  I have always wanted to go there with her.  We both love music.  She is the one who helped to put the love of music in me!  We enjoyed every moment.  Afterwards, we went to Beale Street to have food.  We stopped at this restaurant named Blues City Cafe and had this amazing dessert called Apple dumpling.  Ooohwe that thing was good!!  That was one of our high lights of the day.

Leading up to her surgery, we have had so many heart to hearts. She said to me one day at the table that she does not want to go yet and that she has so much more life to live, but if its her time to go, she is willing and ready.  Ya'll, it took so much for me to sit and have a conversation with her about something so intense.  I understand that we are not meant to stay here forever.  I get that.  I believe, right now, that I am not ready to say that it's over.  I've been praying for God to extend my moms life.  I've also been praying for the cancer not to spread and for the cells to be the kind that are stationary.  I prayed for the doctors to be able to remove all of the cancer and for her to just need a little radiation.

Ya'll, I hope this does not sound selfish, but I do believe I am one of God's favorites because He truly listens to me.  He truly answered my prayers.  She had her surgery last week and the doctors were able to move the tumor and she is going to need a little radiation.  I'm now praying for complete healing and for her to be able to enjoy the rest of her life without pain.  Thank you to any of you who are reading this and prayed for her and my family.  Thank you for loving us in this way.  I pray for many blessings over your life and an abundance of peace.
Love you.