HBO Night!

Hey, ya'll.  It is 11:07pm and I have to get up mad early in the morning, but, I needed to write this before going to sleep.  God is so amazing! Yes, I try to say that in every post, but, He really is.  Let me tell you what happened.  On Friday, I received an email from someone inviting me to come to a workshop for singer/songwriters for a HBO project that is called Bessie 81 tour.  It's promoting the movie Bessie that has Queen Latifah in it.  Anyway, I was so encouraged to be invited to the workshop, but, I thought about having to work during the time that the workshop was being held.  So, I prayed and I asked my Father, that if it is His will for me to go, for Him to give me favor and show me this by allowing my supervisor to say that I could go.  I sent an email to her on Sunday and she said that we would talk about it on Monday morning.

When I went into her office, she asked me what it was about.  I told her that it was a workshop that would help me grow more in my craft as a singer/songwriter.  She said that she just wanted more information about it and that I could go and if I thought that 12pm was a good time.  (The workshop started at 1pm.)  I said yes.  I almost danced as I walked out of the door because I saw the favor of God on my life.

At the workshop, I had the chance to meet some amazing people.  I met Stacey Barthe  who is a major singer/songwriter and has worked with Rihanna and others.  I didn't know who she was.  I have never heard of her, but I was glad to be able to listen to her and her experience.   Everything she shared was on point.  I connected with her because, as a songwriter, my goal is to write my life, my emotions and feelings.  She said something that was great.  She said that writing about my emotions will connect with any human because we all feel.  (I'm paraphrasing.)  She also said that writing is cleansing.  I totally agree with that.  I was feeling so emotional in the workshop because I realized that I have a lot of pinned up emotions that I need to write about.  There are a lot of songs in me that I need to release.

Anyway, after that, I had the chance to talk to producer, Brian Micheal Cox.  He was so down to earth.  He shared with me about how he keeps his head in the industry.  He told me that he looks at the guys in Nashville who have won many grammies too, but still go home to their families.  This is not their lives.  Producers can come and go, so this can not be your life.  This helped me remember that it's not about singing or being on stage.  It is all temporary.  It's about the life that I live off stage and when no one is looking.  Anyway, I am excited.  I want to work with both of them.  I see that happening.  Oh, I also heard an artist tonight by the name of Diva Mahal.  She was great.  I had the chance to talk to a guy from Rolling Out Magazine.  He was funny.  Hopefully he looks up my song that is being released next month(Don't Give Up Now) and my label(NuVyBe Records).  That would be really cool.  Any way, I'm going to sleep now.  Just wanted to share this bit from my day.   I hope that, if you are reading this post, that you see God's power over your life and that your heart continues to draw closer to Him.  Love you!

My Beginning

Before going to sleep tonight, I had to write about a conversation I had with my daddy.  I woke up this morning thinking about him and how I want to cherish the times I have with him now and get to know him more.  I was talking with him yesterday and he told me the story of my birth.  Now, I've heard this story many times before, but yesterday, I heard it differently.  He always tells me that it was thundering and lightning when I was born.  (In my mind God set the greatest scene for my arrival.  Dramatic!)  I was born in a clinic in Elaine, Arkansas.  I was breached at birth so my mom had a hard time giving birth to me.  When I came out, I was like a ball.  I could fit in my dad's hand.  I weighed about 4 lbs.  Daddy said that the doctor told him to take me and my mom home.

At this, I asked my dad why I was not taken to the hospital.  Daddy said that the doctor told him to take me home, so he got his umbrella and covered me up to make sure it didn't rain on me and placed me in the car so that I would be protected.  He then went back in to get my momma and covered her up so rain wouldn't get on her and then he took us home.  This hit me hard.  I didn't understand why, but, I was really moved by hearing that I was taken home.  That I didn't go to the hospital, but was taken straight home to be nurtured by my parents.  It also hit me to think about the concern and the care daddy must have shown at that time.

When I went to work this morning, this thought was still on my mind, so, I shared it with one of my coworkers.  He said something that hit me and helped me to understand my story more.  He said to me that it is rare to hear that someone was taken home from the hospital.  Many children are left in a room with other children and cared for by strangers, but here I was taken home to be cared for by my parents.  At that moment, I wanted to break down and cry because I understood and could see the deep concern and care that God had for me right at the beginning of my life.

He showed me the depth of his love by giving me to two concerned and caring parents who protected me from the beginning, from infancy.  My coworker's point about how many people don't have what I was allowed to have helped me to see how I need to be grateful and accept the love that God has shown me and be willing to give this love to others.  This is my beginning.  This is how my earthly father showed love for me and how my heavenly Father showed his love for me.  I am a blessed woman.

Life's Changes

I have had an amazing year.  I'm not just saying this, but I really believe that my life, my year has been great so far.  It has not been easy and I have a long way to go, but it is good.  One thing is concerning me though.  Changes.  I have a mix feeling about changes.  Sometimes, I'm excited because I like different things and I like being surprised(for the most part).  But, other times I get scared and hesitant because I don't know what's to come from the changes.  I can't see what the outcome is going to be because of them.  I guess that is why faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I have been struggling with just being joyful in waiting for the changes in my life.  I am scared.  I'm not afraid to say this or express this to you because it is true.  Why should I hide?  My journey right now is on a road that I can't see or understand what the destination is going to be for certain.  My life has no certainties.  I am just where my Father wants me to be.  If you are reading this blog, I want you to understand something about me.  I love Jesus and I want to walk with him wherever He will lead me.  Sometimes I resist because I want to do what I want to do, but in the end, I don't win and I end up humbling out and surrendering to him anyway.  I'm trying to learn to do that upfront so that I don't have to go through the drama of fighting with myself or him making me humble out.

Anyway, as an artist, you have so many dreams and directions that you see your life going and you can imagine the great things ahead, but when it takes a long time, you start feeling anxious and worried and afraid about if these dreams are going to come true.  This is the point where God is really testing your heart to see if you are going to believe that he is working for your good no matter what the circumstances may be.

The changes I am talking about are not just outward changes.  I am talking about the changes that happen in your heart as this process is going on.  I have experienced all kinds of emotions and some of them I can't even describe.  (I think I need to sit down with somebody to try to figure them out!)  Anyway, I'm at this point of trying to learn to not be angry when things are not happening in the speed I want them to be or learning how to love someone who I feel is difficult for me to love or learning how to grow up and face my responsibilities.  I just had a birthday too.  This is another change!

But, in all of the changes I am going through, one thing remains constant and consistent:  Jesus' love for me has not wavered or changed.  He has said he is my friend and he has promised that he will never leave me or forsake me. He has told me that he loves me beyond what I can imagine and he has showed me the depth of his love by dying for me.  No one has ever done that for me.  So, I guess, with all of the changes I am going through inwardly and outwardly, I need to hold on to what is always constant and never changing so that I can keep my sanity in the midst of it all!!