What else can I say?

I know that it has been a while since I posted anything.  I don't know what to say.  I've had an overwhelming couple of months.  I have to honest.  I started this blog because I wanted to share the great things that God has been doing in my life, but it has been hard to write anything or to want to share when the times have not been so great.  Honestly, it has been down right hard.  I have been tested and tried and my faith has been refined.  I have been going through the fire.  I am still going through the fire, but, the point is that I am going through it and not remaining in it.  My faith has been attacked on all levels that I could not have imagined and didn't want to.  This has been my living hell.  I may sound extreme but this is how I have felt.  This is one reason:

I have been dreaming of being a professional entertainer since I was 6  years old.  I moved to New York 16 years ago in order to pursue this dream.  After moving here, it has been an uphill journey.  I've gone through my deserts and valleys and have had some mountain top moments, but it has been a complete journey.  I think of my life like when the Israelites were freed from Egypt and had to go through the Red Sea(faith), through the desert being fed manna and quail(faith), and then to have the chance to go to Canaan but had to wonder in the desert for 40 years(lack of faith).  They doubted the promise of God.  They didn't believe Him when He told them to go and take the land that He was giving it to them.  They looked at the task of defeating the giants and how powerful they were and were afraid and refused to listen to faith, to the 2 men who tried to stand for God.  They decided to follow the 10 men who were afraid and who overpowered the 2.

My life can be like this.  My fears I've had in my mind, in my heart, the doubts about my future and my life and my career, the anxiety that I have about the direction I see my life going can over power me and I can "listen to the 10 and ignore the 2".  The word of God is the "2".  My own mind and heart can sound louder to me than His words.  But God has proven to me who He is and that He is faithful and is leading me into Canaan.

I believe God.  I want to receive the blessings He has in store for me.  I know that I'm going to have to fight pass my negative thoughts, anxieties, and other emotions that come up, but the battle is not mine, it is the Lord's.  My life belongs to Him and I am being led into the life, the plans that He has for me that will bring glory to Him.  I am grateful that He chose me to bring glory to him.  When I struggle and others see my struggle, but see how Jesus helps me overcome it, that brings glory to God.  When I persevere through my sufferings and don't allow my heart to get embittered or complacent, that brings glory to my Father.  When I hold on to His truths and live this life for His glory and not compromise, that brings glory to Him.  When I am submissive to His will in my life, even when His will is for me to suffer, that brings glory to Him.  Everything is so my Father will be glorified and that the world will know that He is God.  I am learning a lot.  It has not been easy and I am still in the fire, but I will not be burned.  I am still feeling the waters coming against me, but they will not overcome me.  I have felt like the mountains are being overpowered and the earth is shaking underneath my feet, but I have not been moved.  Jesus is with me and is true to His words: "I am with you till the very end of the ages."

Is. 43:1-3  But now, this is what the Lord says- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:  "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, Your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."