Coronavirus and it's Purpose

I was walking down the hallway in the clinic that I work for and I had an overwhelming feeling come over me.  When it happened, I automatically felts something terrible was about to happen.  I didn't know about the coronavirus at the time or what was happening in China or Italy.  Weeks past and then I start hearing the news about the virus and how it spread in China, Italy, and all over the world.  Currently in New York City, many of my friends are quarantined in their apartments and cannot go to work.  People have lost their lives to the virus.  Many are anxious, panicking because of the virus.  Others are avoiding or pretending that it doesn't exist.  The virus is truly revealing to us what is in our hearts and it is coming out through our actions.  I have been scared.  I had some of the symptoms of the virus, but I also have been sick off and on for several months with bronchitis and respiratory infection.  So I decided to go to the doctor to be checked out.  The flu results came back negative, but the doctor said that they will let me know on Monday if I have the virus.  Ya'll, it is scary to wait for news like this after hearing on the news about people dying because of it.  The sad thing for me is that we are not taking this seriously as a nation.  People are making videos about it and coping with their own anxiety by making these videos and songs.  My concern as a human being and as a therapist is that some don't understand that avoiding the situation does not make the situation go away.  We can't crack jokes or make videos and pretend that "the corona"  does not exist.  For me, I have had to face my fears and walk through the steps of facing my fears.  By doing this, this calms my anxiety. Here's a tip, the more you run from something, the more your anxiety will increase.  When you face it head on and use coping strategies (meditation, breathing techniques) to deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety, it helps you to overcome and be ready for whatever the outcome will be.

So, this morning, after having a horrible night because I started having diarrhea (which is another symptom of the virus), I decided to face my fears.  What if I have the virus and what if I die?  These are the questions that played in my mind.  I read Ps 91:9-10 TPT version says, "When we live our lives within the shadow of God Most High, our secret hiding place, we will always be shielded from harm.  How then could evil prevail against us or disease infect us?"  This comforted me, but then another thought came that said, "it was God's will for his Son to die on a tree.  One died so that all would live.  What if it is God's will for you to die in order to help many other's through your death?"

I was reminded that God allows everything to happen for a purpose and for his glory.  Jesus died and went through so much pain for me, but the story did not end there.  He also rose from death so that I could have life!  If I was to die, my death would affect many people, but my name has been written in the Book of Life, so I have the hope that comes from the Holy Spirit that I will rise again when Jesus returns!  Amen!  This comforted me.

Next thought, "what if nothing is wrong with you and you live, what would you do differently?"

This thought led me to think about my dreams and the people that I want to impact with my life and the places I want to go.  If it is God's perfect will and plan for me to continue to live, I pray to live a life that impacts many.  I will create the business He has placed in my heart to do.  I will write the songs and record them so that they can help those who listen.  I will preach the messages he has placed in my heart to preach.  I will reach out to the people that he wants me to share the message of Jesus Christ with.  This is my purpose and when He says that I have fulfilled my purpose and done everything that he wanted me to do, then it would be time.  If I don't get to fulfill the purpose or never  experience the love of a man in marriage, then I am fine with that too because I have had the chance to experience the passionate love of Jesus, the man who pursued me and won me over and has shown me that he loves me completely.  I will rest with him and raise again with him into my new home.  Either way, it is a win/win situation!  

So overall, I believe that God is allowing this to happen so that we can examine our lives, how we have been living, what are we taking for granted, and how can we live lives that please Him, draws us closer to Him.  I hope this encourages you.  

Tragedy: Sudden Death

It has been a sad couple of days.  After finding out that Kobe and his daughter were killed along with others, my heart broke.  I kept thinking about seeing them at the Laker's game a couple of weeks ago.  He looked so happy and she was so beautiful.  I decided to write this so that my emotions can be on paper and they are not bottled up in my heart.  I decided to shared my thoughts in hopes that I may help those who are feeling like I am.  Grief.  Sadness.  Heartache.  All of these emotions are normal when we hear of death.  I can begin to ask God why did this have to happen to someone who was so young.  His daughter was only 13 years old and had so much life ahead of her.  His wife is left to raise her daughters.  I imagined last night how she must have felt going to bed that night after saying goodbye to him that morning.  I can imagine how many others who have lost loved ones are not only grieving this, but are reliving their own grief.  I want to encourage you to acknowledge the hurt, the sadness. Allow yourself to go through the pain and not pretend that it is not there.  Don't avoid it because it will come out in some form or another one.  One thing I was reminded of yesterday is that we will all die.  That is a guarantee.  I will say this again.  If you are reading my post and breathing, one day that breath is going to be taken away and you will be no more.  Psalm 104:29-30 says, "When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust.  When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth."

This passage says, when the Lord decides to take away our breath we die and return back to dust.  From dust we came and to dust we will return.  This is a reality that I have been pondering for years and also avoiding.  All of us want to think that we will live for ever, but when we have someone close to us die or someone that we admire dies, it shakes us and causes us to think about our own immortality.  Kobe lived an amazing life.  He lived the dream he always dreamed. His daughter lived an amazing life too, but it was cut short.  We don't have the chance to know what she could have become.  But in all of this, I believe God has a plan.  God wants us to realize how short our individual time is on earth and to make the most of every opportunity.  How are you living your life?  Are you watching it waste away or are you following the path laid out before you?  Are you living in fear, afraid to step out on you dreams or are you living in faith?  When someone dies, it leads me to ponder what am I doing with this life, the only life I have to live.  I don't know when God is going to decide my time is up and put me to sleep.  I don't know.  No one knows their individual times, but with this time you have, what are you going to do with it?  How can you use your life to impact others to do positive things with their lives?  These are the questions I ask myself and I plan to live a life of great impact that draws others to Christ.  This is my dream.  I don't want to waste it.  Please don't waste your life.  Please understand how priceless you are and how cherished you are and live the best life possible, all for the glory of God.  I will end with this:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heave: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Now is a time to weep and to mourn.  My heart and my prayers are with all of you who are hurting and with all of the families who were killed in this crash.  May God comfort you all and may you be surrounded by His love.

Looking back

I noticed that I haven't written a post in several years!  A lot has been going on.  Over the past 20 years, I lived in New York City.  I moved there to pursue a music career.  While there, I studied the bible and decided to be baptized and become a disciple of Jesus.  My dream of becoming a singer remained in my heart.  I performed in different showcases and had different managers over the years, but nothing ever came from it.  I taught school for several years.  I enjoyed it, but my heart was torn because I wanted to perform and have a career as an entertainer.  I started looking at other artist like Alicia Keys and India Arie who came out in 2002 and I felt that God was against me.  I had been trying to have this career for so long and I was living my life for Him so why was my life so difficult.  If this was a gift that was given to me to impact the world, why was it so hard for me to break into the industry?  I became embittered and angry.  I was angry with God and resentful of my gift of singing.  I asked him to take the desire to sing away from me.  I asked him to take the dream of being a performer away from me. He didn't.  Singing is in my DNA, it is a part of who I am.  I need to breath in order to survive and I need to sing in order for my soul to be encouraged.  So, I decided to use my gift at church and to encourage my ministry.  I decided to not think about becoming a famous artist because it was not where I needed to be.  I had so much to fight through emotionally.  I was feeling so insecure.  I compared my life to others and felt like I was nothing.  I had to grow in accepting myself, my gift and understanding how to wait and be patient.  This was the beginning of me learning what it means to wait on God and to be still before Him.  This was also the beginning of me understanding that the Lord is my portion and therefore I will wait on him (Lamentation 3).  I was frustrated though because things were not happening on my time frame.

I also dated someone for a year and a half.  I had been waiting for my husband and wanted to get married.  By this time my baby sister was married and had already had her son.  Again, I can grumble in my heart and feel like I'm trying to do this life thing according to God's standards but He is not blessing me with what I want when I want it.   You see, I am waiting until I am married to have sex, so yes, I am a virgin.  So, I have been waiting a while for my husband (I am still waiting for him!!).   I began to feel impatient.  Then I got a boyfriend.  I thought he was going to be my husband.  I was sooo wrong.  In the beginning it was good and we had fun, but it all changed.  I could tell that he was feeling insecure about his life.  He was not financially stable and compared himself to me.  He started to be argumentative and we fought a lot.  Nevertheless, I continued to try to work things out with him.   I was willing to remain in a relationship with someone who was not good for me just because I didn't want to hurt him.  I had prayed for God to break us up because I couldn't do it.  I wanted him to break us up because I felt I could handle it better emotionally.  He eventually did break up with me and I was hurt.  It felt like I was craving for something that I knew was bad for me, but because he was familiar, I didn't care.  It was a pain I never want to experience again.  It wasn't time for me to get married, but it was time for me to grow up emotionally and to work on my codependent nature.  It was time for me to work on myself and heal from my past so that, when God says it is time for me to have a career in music or to get married, I could handle it emotionally.

This was the beginning of my emotional growth.  I will continue to share more about this in my next post.  

Melika's Journey: Just catching up

Melika's Journey: Just catching up: So many things happened since the last time I posted.  Wow, it has been an emotional journey.  I have to be honest with you.  I don't kn...

Just catching up

So many things happened since the last time I posted.  Wow, it has been an emotional journey.  I have to be honest with you.  I don't know where my life is going, but I do know that I have to make the most of the days that I have.  My birthday just passed.  I turned 41.  Yey me!  I can't believe it!  I told my mom today that I feel that this second half of my life is going to be better than the first half.  By the way, she's excited about turning 70.  (My mom is amazing!)  On my birthday, I had a light bulb moment.  I don't know, but it made me feel so special.  Here's what I realized:  My purpose for being born is to be an encouragement to the lives of others.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I've always believed that my life is to be used to encourage and inspire others, but it truly made sense to me this day.  I feel more aware of why God sent me to this earth and has allowed me to live here for this moment.  I truly believe that we are all sent to this earth and we have to be open, guided to the purpose of our existence.  In order for me to be led to this place, I've been open to Jesus leading me and directing my entire life.  This has been so hard, but it is an adventure! With me letting go and being guided, He has led me to graduate school (I'm studying to become a mental health counselor with emphasis on spiritual care),  to a new job (I'm a continuing education teacher at Bronx Community College), and to new and deeper relationships.  He is also leading me in my career as a Indie Soul Artist/entertainer.  Ya'll, I feel so excited about what's to come! I don't even know what is about to happen, but I know it's going to be amazing and I'll be able to share it with all of you!!  That is my hope.  I just want to use music to touch your hearts and move your souls.  While I'm allowed to be here, I want to live the best complete life that I can and do everything that I am created to do.  I hope to meet you along this journey and have the chance to connect with you in some way and I pray that you live your life to the fullest and be a light that shines.
All to God's glory!
Peace, Love, and Hair Grease!!

Life's Questions

I've been using this blog to share about my life.  I don't know who is interested in this, but, I believe that I have learned lessons over my life time that I can't keep to myself.  Writing about my life is also therapeutic.  So, with this in mind, I wanted to talk about my year.  This year is coming to an end really quickly and it has been one filled with so many emotions and questions.  I quit teaching at Promise Academy High School.  I couldn't take the foolishness anymore.  I'll talk about that later.  After finishing up my year there, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Jesus taught me to have faith and just believe that He will heal her.  He did.  

After returning, back to New York, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life.  My music career wasn't happening and I didn't have any jobs lined up.  My life has been about walking by faith and not by sight.  This moment is truly an example of this.  I sent my resume out to different places and no one responded. I ended up going to check out a program at Fordham University for a masters in pastoral counseling and spiritual care. I was not thinking about going back to school but it ended up being in God's plans.  My life is in his hands.  I was accepted to the program and just finished my first semester.  I'm excited about what I'm learning and I look forward to what God is going to do with this.

In addition to grad school, I'm still pursuing my music career.  Over this year, I was able to record several songs and one was released.  With all of this, I still have questions.  What is going to happen with my music?  Will it be used to reach the world and help heal many soul? (yes, if it is My will).  Will I be able to do my talk show and also do other things in the entertainment industry? (Yes, if it is my will). Will I be able to tour the world and reach out to many people?  (Yes, if it is my will.)  Will I be able to help people heal through teaching them about you? (Yes, that is my will). Will I be able to finish my degree within the time we have set? (Yes, if it is my will). 

Melika, all power is in my hand and through my Son I have shown you how much I am willing to do for you.  These things you ask are small in comparison to what I will and can do for your life.  Remain faithful to me and I will show you the way to go.  You don't have to worry about anything.  I have you in the palm of my hand.  Remember, you are mine.  You belong to me and I belong to you.  I am your portion and in me you must put your trust.  All things were created by me, so all things come from me, that includes your dreams and your goals.  Always remember that I am the true and living God, your Father and I have promised you to always be with you.  I love you.

Performing at the Shrine

Wow, tonight was so amazing.  I am so grateful I had the chance to be apart of the Rendezvous Showcase line up.  God is totally working it all out for my good.  Honestly ya'll, tonight was the first time I've performed with a band in two years!!  I was so nervous!  I prayed so much about everything.  I was worried about messing up the songs and the audience not liking me.  But God helped me to understand that He works for the good of those who love Him and He is always at work, therefore, He is always working everything out for my good.  I had to remember this so that I could talk myself back to reality.  Thank you Father for the gift of your Holy Spirit!!
At the beginning of this year, I wouldn't have thought that I would be performing or have a single out.  I wanted to, but, I was so focused on teaching school and helping my children that I didn't have time to perform. It was a great night tonight and I'm excited about the experience and the people I met.  This group called, Jesus Peace, was amazing!  We definitely have to work together.  Anyway, I will blog more later because right now I have to go to bed.  Hope ya'll are doing well!