New Year

Ok, last year had so many ups and downs.  Now I must admit, the past 3 or 4 years have had a lot of ups and downs for me, but I always try to start off each year hopeful.  It has been difficult starting this year off in that way.  I have so many dreams that I want to come true.  I am tired of being a "professional" substitute teacher and I seriously want to start my career. Maintaining my faith has been challenging.  I know that my Father has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  Just the other day, I had little money in my bank account but many bills.  After going over my Time Warner Cable bill, con ed (lights almost being turned off), and my credit card bill, I prayed and said to my Father that He has to make a way for me to pay my bills.  I had 4 days to pay my con ed or else my lights were going to be turned off.  I couldn't stress it.  I've been down this road before, but I have learned to depend on God and to see that He always makes a way, even if I don't know how.  The next morning I checked my account and I had over $600 in my account.  You should have seen me dancing around my apartment.  I was able to pay all of my bills and have some left over.  That is how my Father does it.  Now, I'm in a little dilemma.  Pursuing a music career is one of the hardest things because its about who you know and putting yourself out there to know people.  I have been doing this for many years and I've come to the point, on this path, that I'm tired of the pursuit.  I just want a door to open up for me somewhere.  Many doors have, but they would always close and not be where or what my Father would want for me to do.  So now, here I am again, at this path on the road trying to see what I should do.  I pray, "Father, lead me to the doors that you want me to go through.  Show me a miracle."  I have been praying this prayer for a long time and He has shown me a lot of miracles, but I am still working as a "professional" substitute teacher.  Sometimes I feel that I can't call myself an artist or a professional singer because it's not where I am making all of my money from.  I'm scared.  I don't want to repeat this cycle over and over again.  I want to move forward.  The thing is, if I was to say I wanted to be a principal or a counselor, then that would be easy.  I would go back to school and get my master's.  The path is so clear on that one, but it's so different as an artist.  This path is truly about walking by faith and not by sight.  I was hanging with a girlfriend yesterday and I told her that God has given me many visions.  They are so real.  I can feel it.  I am living it, but then, they are gone.  It's like you are at a store and you want to get something behind a glass.  You see it and it is real to you, but you can't touch it yet until someone gives it to you.  That is my life.  I can't touch my dream yet until God says it's ok and He gives it to me.  Many people are mistaken when they think they control their fate.  That is so not true.  You have a decision or choices that you can make, but God has the first reply.  He is the one that says yes, its ok.  He is my Father and He has promised to protect me on this journey.  I am finally seeing it as a journey and learning what it means to enjoy the journey.  But, that is sooooo hard to do.  God wants me to see that He is my portion, my everything.  He gives us everything.  Everything comes from Him, so, it just makes sense to let Him be my portion.  The Spirit is the only way I am understanding that.  Anyway, I am here, on this journey, waiting expectantly, hopefully, and sometimes quietly for what's to come.  I am so excited about what is coming and can't wait to share with you all of my experiences.