I have to share this story with you. I had to take a break to recover from my first year of teaching in New York City and from the heartbreak of losing a student. I decided that I wanted to learn more about business. I'm a singer, so I need to understand how to run a business or what that should look like, right? I don't want to be naive about the music BUSINESS. It's more business than music. Anyway, I started temping. It was fun because I had the chance to go to different places and meet different people. I finally ended up at a non-for-profit that focused on homelessness. I was a book keeper there. Any job I had or places I have worked, I've seen God's hand on me and He has shown me favor.
At this job, my supervisor was very animated and passionate about everything. This was my first time working with someone who was gay and had a partner. Coming from Arkansas, I had not knowingly encountered homosexuals. (You should have seen me when I went to the village and when I was caught in the gay pride parade one year. That was an ADVENTURE.) Anyway, he was a genuine guy and really liked me. I shared my life with him by how I lived. He knew I lived my life by the bible and we would often have interesting conversations. I learned a lot from him. While there, I focused on being a light and getting to know as many people as possible. The problem with agencies like this is that the people they are taking care of are not completely treated the best. They were more focused on the rich who were donating to the organization than on the people they were serving.
I didn't like that because we are all human. From dust we came and to dust we will return. What you came here with is what you will leave with: NOTHING. Anyway, I learned how to not show favortism, but to treat everyone with the same respect that I would want. After working there for a period of time, I became bored. I'm a hyper person by nature. I can only sit behind a desk for so long. I couldn't take it anymore. I was there for 2 years and I had started missing working with children. I was being called back into teaching. I prayed a lot about where I should go. I sat down with my supervisor and he told me that he noticed I was not happy and he was willing to let me go, but he would not fire me. They gave me payment for two months and I was able to keep my insurance for that period. During that time, I found the school I was going to teach in. God's favor is on my life.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sudden Death
My first year in New York was really hard. First, I had to adjust to a new, fast pace, sometimes angry big city environment when I come from a laid back, easy going, slow pace country town. Also, top this with teaching students who always tried to make fun of my accent. I learned not to take it personal. But that's not why the year was hard. I moved here thinking that I was going to finish some recording, send my music off to a label and be signed and able to pay all of my bills through the deal. This did not happen.
Also, I had just become a Christian (Disciple) and I was trying to understand how to change in my character. Man, I was struggling with pride big time and God was using this teaching experience to show me what it looked like. While at the school, an incident happened that shook me to the core. One of my 7th grade students who was so sweet and loving, was hit by a bus as she was going home. I didn't know the lesson that I was suppose to learn from that. She was so young and how was I going to deal with the students the next day when I had my own emotions to deal with too? How was I going to help the teachers there, also? But, what happened next amazed me.
When I walked into the school, they told me there was going to be a crisis counselor there and she was going to do a discussion with the children. All I did was PRAY to see God's hands in this and to direct me in what to do. He did. The children took their focus off of themselves and began to focus on the little girl's family and their pain and they created cards to give to them. I was blown away by their hearts and desire to be concerned about other people above themselves. At the funeral, they were hurt, but controlled. It was a moving experience, but after this first year, I was burned out and wanted nothing else to do with education. I had to heal, so I decided to walk away from teaching and try to learn new things and I was lead to a whole new world: the business world.
Also, I had just become a Christian (Disciple) and I was trying to understand how to change in my character. Man, I was struggling with pride big time and God was using this teaching experience to show me what it looked like. While at the school, an incident happened that shook me to the core. One of my 7th grade students who was so sweet and loving, was hit by a bus as she was going home. I didn't know the lesson that I was suppose to learn from that. She was so young and how was I going to deal with the students the next day when I had my own emotions to deal with too? How was I going to help the teachers there, also? But, what happened next amazed me.
When I walked into the school, they told me there was going to be a crisis counselor there and she was going to do a discussion with the children. All I did was PRAY to see God's hands in this and to direct me in what to do. He did. The children took their focus off of themselves and began to focus on the little girl's family and their pain and they created cards to give to them. I was blown away by their hearts and desire to be concerned about other people above themselves. At the funeral, they were hurt, but controlled. It was a moving experience, but after this first year, I was burned out and wanted nothing else to do with education. I had to heal, so I decided to walk away from teaching and try to learn new things and I was lead to a whole new world: the business world.
Friday, May 27, 2011
New York State of Mind Part 2
I have to let you know about my teaching experience here. I have quit several times over the past years and I'm currently substituting and not coming back next year. These kids are a different breed. I love them though. They are like diamonds in the rough. You have to get pass the rough exterior inorder to see the beautiful interior. My first year teaching was a MESS. I had just moved and had taught high school, so imagine being placed in a 7th grade middle school class on 93rd street with kids who don't understand your accent and are from all backgrounds. It's funny when I think about it, but my pride was sooo high that God had to humble me.
I will never forget this student I had named Christine. I was told that she was going to be in my class and the look on the teachers and principal's face should have warned me about what was coming my way. I thought there would be no problems. It's going to be okay. I was big, bold, and collected, right? Wrong! Anyway, Christine gave me all kinds of problems. My class was on the 6th floor and one day she decided to throw paper balls outside the window. She was dunking it out of the window. Now, the crazy thing is that Christine was almost 6 ft tall and in the 7th grade, so you know she didn't have control over her body and she had totally lost her mind. On another occasion, we were coming up from lunch and all of my students were on the elevator, but Christine decided to jump on the elevator like she was a wrestler and yell in my face. Oooh! I was so angry. She called me a "f----- b----" and she was pushed from the elevator. (I think I did that part.) We got to the room and I told my students to sit down and not to say a word. I was fuming! She came banging on the door like she had lost her mind (which she had!). I'm telling you it felt like a mental institution.
I opened the door and she tried to press her way in, but the principal finally came and took her away. Now, this was my first lesson about loving people when it hurts because everything in me wanted to tell her off and whip her like she was my own child. Her mom was even crazier. She told my principal that she had night mares because of me. (We had a conversation about her daughter and I tried to help her spiritually. Of course, she didn't listen.) At the end of the year, Christine was kicked out of my class room. On the last day of school, I gave my students a McDonald party and it took all of me to offer Christine some, but, I decided to show her kindness because Jesus would, and she really appreciated that. Years later, when she was 22, I saw her on the streets. She told me that she had gone to jail and was in rehab for drug abuse. My heart went out to her, but as teachers, we see our students and their behavior and try to prevent them from harm, but, no matter how much we try to prevent, their destiny is their own. We can only do so much, but they must know that they are loved despite of themselves.
I will never forget this student I had named Christine. I was told that she was going to be in my class and the look on the teachers and principal's face should have warned me about what was coming my way. I thought there would be no problems. It's going to be okay. I was big, bold, and collected, right? Wrong! Anyway, Christine gave me all kinds of problems. My class was on the 6th floor and one day she decided to throw paper balls outside the window. She was dunking it out of the window. Now, the crazy thing is that Christine was almost 6 ft tall and in the 7th grade, so you know she didn't have control over her body and she had totally lost her mind. On another occasion, we were coming up from lunch and all of my students were on the elevator, but Christine decided to jump on the elevator like she was a wrestler and yell in my face. Oooh! I was so angry. She called me a "f----- b----" and she was pushed from the elevator. (I think I did that part.) We got to the room and I told my students to sit down and not to say a word. I was fuming! She came banging on the door like she had lost her mind (which she had!). I'm telling you it felt like a mental institution.
I opened the door and she tried to press her way in, but the principal finally came and took her away. Now, this was my first lesson about loving people when it hurts because everything in me wanted to tell her off and whip her like she was my own child. Her mom was even crazier. She told my principal that she had night mares because of me. (We had a conversation about her daughter and I tried to help her spiritually. Of course, she didn't listen.) At the end of the year, Christine was kicked out of my class room. On the last day of school, I gave my students a McDonald party and it took all of me to offer Christine some, but, I decided to show her kindness because Jesus would, and she really appreciated that. Years later, when she was 22, I saw her on the streets. She told me that she had gone to jail and was in rehab for drug abuse. My heart went out to her, but as teachers, we see our students and their behavior and try to prevent them from harm, but, no matter how much we try to prevent, their destiny is their own. We can only do so much, but they must know that they are loved despite of themselves.
New York State of Mind Part 1
New York is a funny place. I love that I'm not from here because I can see things differently, with different eyes. People have walls up, sometimes mean, and very blunt. When I first came here, I thought it was going to be hard to adapt, but one of my favorite scriptures (Rom 8:28-30) talks about everything works for the good of those who love God and are called by Him and that all of our lives are predestined. So, because I was created for this time, it was easy for me to adapt.
The person I stayed with, who I only met for one hour one day, became like a mother to me. We instantly clicked because I knew that God had sent me here, drew me closer to Him. Her birthday was on the same day as my mom's birthday and her dad's birthday was on the same day as my dad's birthday, so, this was no coincident. She asked me if I wanted to study the bible and I understood that this was my purpose for being here. Remember I didn't know what I was being called to, but it was all being revealed to me slowly. I studied the bible and understood, finally, what it truly meant to be a Christian, a Disciple of Jesus Christ. The question that God asked me on the road one day became my reality: I was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins and I received the gift of the Holy Spirit and my life has not been the same since. It's been better.
Now, I'm not one of those people who fake the funk like everything is fine and dandy. I will let you know the honest truth and keep it completely real with you because this walk is not for the weak in heart, but for those who are willing to persevere through the test and trials and remain faithful to God. When you do, He reveals Himself to you and shows Himself to be faithful as well. It's powerful and I pray that my lessons really demonstrate the power of God. Now, New Yorkers can be harsh, man. My accent was so thick that people didn't understand a word I was saying. I had to have people translate for me as if I was speaking another language. (How RUDE!) Anyway, my accent is still here and I refuse to let it leave, but I do switch it up sometimes.
The person I stayed with, who I only met for one hour one day, became like a mother to me. We instantly clicked because I knew that God had sent me here, drew me closer to Him. Her birthday was on the same day as my mom's birthday and her dad's birthday was on the same day as my dad's birthday, so, this was no coincident. She asked me if I wanted to study the bible and I understood that this was my purpose for being here. Remember I didn't know what I was being called to, but it was all being revealed to me slowly. I studied the bible and understood, finally, what it truly meant to be a Christian, a Disciple of Jesus Christ. The question that God asked me on the road one day became my reality: I was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins and I received the gift of the Holy Spirit and my life has not been the same since. It's been better.
Now, I'm not one of those people who fake the funk like everything is fine and dandy. I will let you know the honest truth and keep it completely real with you because this walk is not for the weak in heart, but for those who are willing to persevere through the test and trials and remain faithful to God. When you do, He reveals Himself to you and shows Himself to be faithful as well. It's powerful and I pray that my lessons really demonstrate the power of God. Now, New Yorkers can be harsh, man. My accent was so thick that people didn't understand a word I was saying. I had to have people translate for me as if I was speaking another language. (How RUDE!) Anyway, my accent is still here and I refuse to let it leave, but I do switch it up sometimes.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
In the Beginning
I decided to do a blog because I want to share my story. My life's journey. Why not? I think that amazing things have been done in my life that could encourage or inspire people. My journey has not ended yet (I'll be dead and not typing this. That would be scary wouldn't it?!) Anyway, I want you to know where I come from and the ups and downs so that, perhaps, it would be of some help. I will start by telling you that I'm from a rural town in Arkansas. Love growing up there and I love my family. We are a crazy bunch. (I'm 1 of 8 children. My mom is AMAZING!) I grew up singing and writing songs and I always felt connected to God whenever I sang. I love that feeling!
After graduating college, I taught school in West Helena, AR. I was so depressed because I knew that it was not where I wanted to be. My students felt that all they were seeing was it and they had no hopes or dreams, so I was determined to live a life showing them that there is hope and you don't have to remain where you are just because of where you live. It can all be changed if you hope and dream. This was the message that I wanted to share with my students. So, one day I was walking pass the tv and New York Undercover was on (this is in 1998, so you know that was the show). Anyway, I heard something say to me that I was moving there, to New York. I was ok with that. Now, I only knew one person in New York and he was a blind producer/singer that I had song back up for when I was in college in University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff. I contacted his mom. She connected me to him and I came to visit New York.
Before coming, I took a walk down my road and I heard a voice say, "If you were asked, will you be baptized again." I said yes. God talks to me in amazing ways and I love it when he does. So, I came to visit New York (with my boyfriend at the time). We did the tourist things, but one day we were invited to a midweek (church service during the week). When I arrived there, before I met the people, I saw a flood of light as I was walking down the stairs and had this amazing feeling in me that I can not describe. I looked back at my boyfriend and told him this is where I'm suppose to be. It was totally where God had been leading me, to this place, this time. I couldn't imagine the magnitude of what He was calling me to, but I was ready to follow it.
I went back home to Arkansas and told my mom that I was moving. She thought I was crazy. Imagine growing up in an area where there is only a rock road, a house in a field and your closest neighbor is like a football field distance away from you. You would think you were crazy too. But, I couldn't shake that feeling. I couldn't stay here. I didn't want to say one day "I could have, should have, would have, but I didn't" and live with regret. That would be unbareable for me. There was something more out there for me. So, on June 21, 1998, my mom took me to the airport and I cried good bye because I was leaving all that I knew to come to a place that was unknown to me. I didn't know what to expect or what I was coming to. I was leaving my entire family to come to a place where I only knew barely the blind guy and some of his friends. This was soooooo scary for me, but I couldn't turn back. I had to follow my heart. Thirteen years later, I am grateful that I did.
After graduating college, I taught school in West Helena, AR. I was so depressed because I knew that it was not where I wanted to be. My students felt that all they were seeing was it and they had no hopes or dreams, so I was determined to live a life showing them that there is hope and you don't have to remain where you are just because of where you live. It can all be changed if you hope and dream. This was the message that I wanted to share with my students. So, one day I was walking pass the tv and New York Undercover was on (this is in 1998, so you know that was the show). Anyway, I heard something say to me that I was moving there, to New York. I was ok with that. Now, I only knew one person in New York and he was a blind producer/singer that I had song back up for when I was in college in University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff. I contacted his mom. She connected me to him and I came to visit New York.
Before coming, I took a walk down my road and I heard a voice say, "If you were asked, will you be baptized again." I said yes. God talks to me in amazing ways and I love it when he does. So, I came to visit New York (with my boyfriend at the time). We did the tourist things, but one day we were invited to a midweek (church service during the week). When I arrived there, before I met the people, I saw a flood of light as I was walking down the stairs and had this amazing feeling in me that I can not describe. I looked back at my boyfriend and told him this is where I'm suppose to be. It was totally where God had been leading me, to this place, this time. I couldn't imagine the magnitude of what He was calling me to, but I was ready to follow it.
I went back home to Arkansas and told my mom that I was moving. She thought I was crazy. Imagine growing up in an area where there is only a rock road, a house in a field and your closest neighbor is like a football field distance away from you. You would think you were crazy too. But, I couldn't shake that feeling. I couldn't stay here. I didn't want to say one day "I could have, should have, would have, but I didn't" and live with regret. That would be unbareable for me. There was something more out there for me. So, on June 21, 1998, my mom took me to the airport and I cried good bye because I was leaving all that I knew to come to a place that was unknown to me. I didn't know what to expect or what I was coming to. I was leaving my entire family to come to a place where I only knew barely the blind guy and some of his friends. This was soooooo scary for me, but I couldn't turn back. I had to follow my heart. Thirteen years later, I am grateful that I did.
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